Does anyone have any ideas for appetizing healthy finger food meals?

I think it is all about how you cut it. I would steam carrot sticks, green beans, broccoli (cut long and thin) brussel sprouts...etc. I used noodles that were a good shape for grasping. I made breads and cut in long Spears. Finger sandwiches...with tuna salad.
Much luck

My children love to eat food when I cut it into small chunks and put a few toothpicks in it so they can pick it up with a toothpick and have a bite size fun food. 

Same thing is going on here. My gramdma likes Green beans, sliced fruits, sliced carrots, fish sticks, chicken strips, open and sliced sandwiches (in strips or squares), ham and cheese rolls and soup in a cup.

I sympathise with how difficult it is to adjust your expectations of table manners. Especially when you're eating at the same table.

But just as a thought. We've only had forks for a few hundred years. And in India they still don't use them. The very best people at the very best banquets eat with their fingers.

So maybe an idea for the widest variety of proper food that you and your husband can both enjoy is to stock up on finger-bowls and extra napery and cultivate a new, exotic style of dining?