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BarbLou Asked December 2017

My mother is angry and codependent. Any advice?

I lost my father about 5 years ago, and my mother lost her husband. She has always been codependent, but she is clinging hard onto me and my siblings, she gets angry when we make plans without her, and discourages us from taking on new responsibilities and gets upset when we cannot do something with her, like go shopping. I need help on how to deal with my codependent mother, because she is making me afraid to even call her or go visit her at her house. I do not want my relationship with her to be ruined.... Sincerely, Heartbreaking Child

sue888 Dec 2017
Try to convince her to move to an independent living apartment in a continuing care facility if she can afford it. My mom was the same way. When my dad died she didn't have a life, period and she wanted me to fill in for my dad. The stress about killed me.
She's now in an apartment in a nice place that has lots of activities and other women just like her. It has forced her to become independent and I no longer feel guilty. I know she has plenty of options. It's her choice as to whether she gets involved or not. When the time comes they have assisted living and a nursing home. She won't have to move again.

notrydoyoda Dec 2017
She's trying her best to make you codependent. You need some boundaries and possibly would benefit from seeing a therapist to help you with this battle. She's not going to change this late in the game, but you don't have to be her dance partner.

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