One thing to note - besides trying to get that loan collateral designation gone, no one should be using mom's place and especially not these grandchildren. Using the place for collateral was bad enough, but THAT does NOT give them the right to use (and abuse) it any way they want. Personally I would change the locks.
It is ONLY backing for some kind of loan THEY negotiated, unless the loan was taken against the house itself - in either case, back to legal advice. THEY should negotiate something else, if possible and legal advice concurs.
Again, they took a loan to do something (more than likely NOT to make mom's place better!), and this does NOT give them or the grandchildren to use mom's house as a flop house, party place or whatever. Kick them out and change the locks!
If that home is suitable then rent it out to give you mom an income that wouldn't change anything about co-sign situation - get legal advice to go forth -
If the adult grandchildren want to rent it offer them 1st choice but get it on a business footing otherwise they leave so income can come in - then the bills your mom is paying become a business expense
Tell your mom that it is only temporary because you know she needs that income to pay utilities etc - you should only be getting 1/2 of rent. utilities, food and such - if you own your place find out what the rent would be but talk to a lawyer on much of this especially if you are using some of her money but 'roomies pay their share' too - document all expenses etc
Just putting in my two cents, as it were. I agree with Countrymouse on every point. Being a DPOA has huge responsibilities and you must always be very careful about the decisions you make. Handling your mother’s finances is noble, using her money to cover your own expenses can be questionable unless there is a contract in place between both of you stating it is ok to do so. I understand you gave up a career to care for her and I recognize the need for funds to pay your own bills - be aware it could be perceived by family and friends that you’re taking advantage (though you are not intending to). That could lead to a whole other scenario you do not want to have to cope with in addition to what you’re already dealing with. As far as your mother driving, disabling the car is the simplest solution - period. No more worries.
I applaud Robert in trying to do so much for the mother he cares for! I agree- it is so complicated you need to get legal and financial help. It would be great to gather some family support. Do it as a meeting to inform them of some changes. Also, Take care of yourself- try to get some caregiver support through your church; senior services or even professional because you are dealing with a volcano.. Take your right arm put it around to the left; take your left arm put it around to the right and squeeze. Give yourself a hug- Today and everyday!
I think you'd better go and get some legal and financial planning advice from a reputable elder care specialist.
That loan is a problem and wants winding up. You can't spend her money on your bills. Giving up a career to become a full-time caregiver, you need to have a prior contract in place if you expect your mother to compensate you financially. If your mother no longer has capacity that's a problem; if she does have capacity, it needs seeing to pronto.
Those grandchildren can't occupy her home and not pay rent at least. You don't have to throw them out tonight, but you do need to get the family to understand that things are changing and all have to be put on a much more structured, above-board footing.
The thing is, if your mother runs out of money and you need to make an application on her behalf for Medicaid, you will run into enormous problems if her assets have been in effect given away to family members - rent, that loan if it isn't repaid, any loss made on the house.
When you ask, should you let her go? Well, go where? Back to her home? With what support? If she can't do so safely then it would be negligent, knowing that she is vulnerable, to allow her to do this alone.
What are the key headings when it comes to what she's miserable about, do you think?
I have authority over everything, medical and legal. Her home is "used" frequently by grandchildren of the sibling that doesn't want to be bothered. That sibling has her house as collateral on a loan that she consigned. So I'm not sure if I can sell it or not. She has a neuropsychological exam but it isn't scheduled until February 2018. She has some a fair amount of awareness but not enough to be left alone to be safe and make good decisions. She does have some money saved but get angry when I mentioned needing it to pay bills, both mine and hers. I had to give up a career to care for her and depend on her income to supplement. She still has to pay all of the utilities at her home that she hasn't lived in. She doesn't have an issue with the adult grandchildren living there and not paying the bills. I guess she takes her frustration out on me because I am with her. I'm not sure how to proceed. Do I tell her no she can't leave and sell everything or let her go? She is miserable and making all of us miserable. I love her very much and am in no way upset that I am taking care of her but I don't know how to handle all of this.
For her safety and that of the general public, disable her car. Take the wheels off and put it up on jacks; or detach the battery leads; just make sure it won't go.
Now that you have the diagnosis, you need to get a formal declaration of your mother's mental incapacity. POAs vary, but assuming that yours is the durable type you will then have the authority, given to you by your mother herself, to act on her behalf and make any financial decisions in her best interests now that she is no longer able to. Do you also have health care authorisations - are you her health care proxy, or do you have a POA in addition for medical and welfare matters?
What is the situation with your mother's former home? You do have the authority to sell it, rent it or whatever seems best and to use any capital or income from it for her benefit.
I'm sorry that she has failed to settle with you and that this is proving unhappy for all concerned. Are you looking at alternative options?
Her drivers license has been revived due to seizures. She has been diagnosed with multifactorial dementia. (Vascular/ Alzheimer's). She has been living with me full time since March of this year. I am her power of attorney. She has become hateful and is very unhappy in the current living situation. I have 2 siblings, on is 14 hrs away and the other doesn't want to be bothered. She can now physically take care of herself but has cognitive deficiencies. She can manage some daily task like laundry. It's mainly for safety and transportation plus some financial planning on my part. What do I do?
Robert, it all depends on the degree of your mother's dementia, on whether or not she has been formally found to be lacking mental capacity, on whether or not you have power of attorney or are her court-appointed guardian, on the circumstances in which she is living...
Could you fill in the background, please? What, for example, makes it so that your mother requires your "permission" to drive or to leave her current location?
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One thing to note - besides trying to get that loan collateral designation gone, no one should be using mom's place and especially not these grandchildren. Using the place for collateral was bad enough, but THAT does NOT give them the right to use (and abuse) it any way they want. Personally I would change the locks.
It is ONLY backing for some kind of loan THEY negotiated, unless the loan was taken against the house itself - in either case, back to legal advice. THEY should negotiate something else, if possible and legal advice concurs.
Again, they took a loan to do something (more than likely NOT to make mom's place better!), and this does NOT give them or the grandchildren to use mom's house as a flop house, party place or whatever. Kick them out and change the locks!
If the adult grandchildren want to rent it offer them 1st choice but get it on a business footing otherwise they leave so income can come in - then the bills your mom is paying become a business expense
Tell your mom that it is only temporary because you know she needs that income to pay utilities etc - you should only be getting 1/2 of rent. utilities, food and such - if you own your place find out what the rent would be but talk to a lawyer on much of this especially if you are using some of her money but 'roomies pay their share' too - document all expenses etc
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I agree with Countrymouse on every point.
Being a DPOA has huge responsibilities and you must always be very careful about the decisions you make. Handling your mother’s finances is noble, using her money to cover your own expenses can be questionable unless there is a contract in place between both of you stating it is ok to do so. I understand you gave up a career to care for her and I recognize the need for funds to pay your own bills - be aware it could be perceived by family and friends that you’re taking advantage (though you are not intending to). That could lead to a whole other scenario you do not want to have to cope with in addition to what you’re already dealing with.
As far as your mother driving, disabling the car is the simplest solution - period. No more worries.
I agree- it is so complicated you need to get legal and financial help.
It would be great to gather some family support. Do it as a meeting to inform them of some changes.
Also, Take care of yourself- try to get some caregiver support through your church; senior services or even professional because you are dealing with a volcano..
Take your right arm put it around to the left; take your left arm put it around to the right and squeeze. Give yourself a hug- Today and everyday!
I think you'd better go and get some legal and financial planning advice from a reputable elder care specialist.
That loan is a problem and wants winding up.
You can't spend her money on your bills.
Giving up a career to become a full-time caregiver, you need to have a prior contract in place if you expect your mother to compensate you financially. If your mother no longer has capacity that's a problem; if she does have capacity, it needs seeing to pronto.
Those grandchildren can't occupy her home and not pay rent at least. You don't have to throw them out tonight, but you do need to get the family to understand that things are changing and all have to be put on a much more structured, above-board footing.
The thing is, if your mother runs out of money and you need to make an application on her behalf for Medicaid, you will run into enormous problems if her assets have been in effect given away to family members - rent, that loan if it isn't repaid, any loss made on the house.
When you ask, should you let her go? Well, go where? Back to her home? With what support? If she can't do so safely then it would be negligent, knowing that she is vulnerable, to allow her to do this alone.
What are the key headings when it comes to what she's miserable about, do you think?
For her safety and that of the general public, disable her car. Take the wheels off and put it up on jacks; or detach the battery leads; just make sure it won't go.
Now that you have the diagnosis, you need to get a formal declaration of your mother's mental incapacity. POAs vary, but assuming that yours is the durable type you will then have the authority, given to you by your mother herself, to act on her behalf and make any financial decisions in her best interests now that she is no longer able to. Do you also have health care authorisations - are you her health care proxy, or do you have a POA in addition for medical and welfare matters?
What is the situation with your mother's former home? You do have the authority to sell it, rent it or whatever seems best and to use any capital or income from it for her benefit.
I'm sorry that she has failed to settle with you and that this is proving unhappy for all concerned. Are you looking at alternative options?
Could you fill in the background, please? What, for example, makes it so that your mother requires your "permission" to drive or to leave her current location?