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daughterlu Asked March 2017

Has anyone else had a bad experience with an agency after they have reported concern for their elderly parent?

I posted a question on AgingCare about continual inappropriate and suspicious behavior of the maintenance man towards my Mother. She admitted that he was visiting her. She was having nightmares and fears about a man hiding in her closet. I complained to management. Nothing was resolved. He continued to seek her out. After I came in to Mothers apartment and found her with lipstick smeared all over her face I called the State Agency numbers sent in to AgingCare by email responding to my call for help in what to do. The Rape Crises Center sent an investigator out to see Mother and to talk to me. I was impressed at the quick reaction. However it was very unpleasant. The investigator proposed an inquiery by the Facilities Administrators with my Mother, and myself present. I was a volunteer at a Rape Crises Center many years ago. What would have been appropriate then was an interview with my Mom very discretely and in a sensitive manner. If getting Mother to trust the interviewer would take some time, the interviewer would recommend counseling. I was very disappointed in the present approach especially after having been a victim of management tearing me apart in former "Care" meetings. They were not loving meetings and the results were disasterous for Mother's health and well being. I said No, I did not want Mother being exposed to an interrogation. We subsequently got Mother out of that facility. That as over a month ago. She is in a very nice Assisted living program at another facility. What happened at the old facility still haunts me. Has anyone had a bad experience when complaining about a facility to management. Is it the political culture that has warped the Agencies set up to protect the resident? Is it that the residents in Personal Care who are elderly are not given the protections that a younger person would be given because of their age? This is just one of several matters that involved reports sent to agencies where there was no adequate resolve.

daughterlu Mar 2017
I agree with the above that he should have been suspended while it was investigated. I reported to an agency recommended on Agingcare. The facility is a Medicare certified NH. If I could go back and do it again I would have reported it anonymously. I was totally aghast when an investigator came out and told me to have her at a meeting with the Facility Staff present for questioning. She was the one being investigated. To her that would have been great shame. Growing up it was more important to her to cover things up than to make any statements that involved sexual harassment, abuse, etc made public in any way. An investigator who could gain her trust in private would be likely to get her story. She shared some things with me. I thought a trained investigator with more experience would be the answer. It was one of several huge disappointments.

Shane1124 Mar 2017
I totally agree with Countrymouse. The maintenance man should be reported and suspended while they investigate to protect the other residents. If this was a Medicare certified NH I would call and report this to their licensing agency ASAP. You can do it anonymously.

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Countrymouse Mar 2017
Daughterlu, if I seriously, after due reflection, believed that a maintenance man employed in facilities where he was in daily contact with vulnerable people was abusing his position of trust...

If I *seriously* believed he had assaulted my mother, and was potentially also abusing other elders...

Why did you not go immediately to the police? At the very least, this man's history could be checked out.

daughterlu Mar 2017
Mother has had slight memory problems. That was a prejudice against her because of her age when it suits the facility. In the month since she has moved to a better facility she remembers more, i.e., what she had for dinner the night before , names, etc. She is walking better in th apartment and in her ealker in the hallways. She has answered difficult questions about what is public knowledge about previous cars, addresses, etc. She is very impressive at 99 years old. She remembered everything. This was just tyo change her address. Regarding the sexual harassment, I witnessed the Maintenance man stopping by her apartment calling in a very romantic sweet voice, _____________ her name, almost singing, "Is there anything you want to talk to me about." He left quickly when I stepped in to sight. There were other events I witnessed and complained about. The management did nothing to stop the continual attention. When Mother was in Independent Living, I saw him going in and out of a certain apartment. He did not look like he was going there for maintenance. No tools and it was repetitive. An older person shouldn't be made out to be the wrong doer to keep them quiet when they are victimized. You wouldn't do that to a young child.

Sunnygirl1 Mar 2017
I certainly do have sympathy for your and your mother. It sounds like quite an unpleasant ordeal. However, I would suspect that the investigation would include evaluating your mother's perception and cognition. Your profile says that your mother has dementia. Is that right? Since some people with dementia have delusions, I would suspect that they were taking that factor in to account as they investigated. Perhaps those in charge did not use the most sensitivity in their approach. That is unfortunate.

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