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Living with us he is physically very well although has some slight dementia started. I feel she will have many more activitiy choices and could make some friends in her own apt. but the thought of moving out makes her physically ill.

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Are you saying your mom's anxiety is making her ill? She needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist.

Folks with dementia have broken brains. At times, various emotions can run wild. Anxiety is one of them. Get her relief.
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Peggy, if your Mom is in her 80's or 90's, she probably remembers senior facilities as being asylums, so that is why she gets physically ill then the subject comes up.

One trick is to set up a tour and free lunch with an Independent Living facility that also has Assisted Living levels of care. Tell Mom you are checking out places for a friend, and it would be great to have her [your Mom] opinion of the place. She might be pleasantly surprised.

The next question, would Independent Living be within your parent's budget? Depending on location, they could cost $3k to $6k per month for an apartment. Or are you thinking of senior apartments where rent is based on one's salary.
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You are going to have to be firm and keep insisting otherwise she will wear you down. Take her out to see some senior apartments and keep this a topic of conversation. Keep in lovingly and pleasantly front of mind. Let her know you need your own space.

At the same time, assure her that you will be there for her, to help her and visit and enjoy each other's company.

Maybe assisted living for her? Is she anxious about day to day?
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