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BettWalker Asked February 2017

Would my husband and I be better off staying in our home or moving to a retirement community into an independent living apartment?

Husband & I are 84. Community offers assisted living, memory care & nursing. We have no family in this state.

jeannegibbs Feb 2017
Hubby doesn't want to give up most of your money because he wants to use it for ... what? Financial considerations are valid to consider, but they need to be looked at realistically. Do you have a financial adviser you could talk to about this?

Countrymouse Feb 2017
It's a big jump, but once you've landed safely in the new community you will be glad you took it. The downsizing process is so intimidating that it often does prevent people from moving forward. Professional help with that aspect really is worth paying for - the packing, the hauling, the sheer manual labour of it.

Does your husband have a shed or a garage that he's especially attached to? The thing to concentrate him on, then, is the facilities that will be available at the community so that he's looking forward instead of thinking "my tools! My pressure washer! My inspection pit!"

Also, does either community hold events that outsiders are welcome to join? If you can break the ice with a few people perhaps that will help, too.

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BettWalker Feb 2017
BTW, thanks to all who responded. I kind of feel alone in this decision.

BettWalker Feb 2017
We are on the list at two different communities. Neither have a vacancy at this time. I have had two apartments lined up and even put the money down that was needed and hubby found fault with both. Not only that, he seems to get very anxious at the idea of giving up our home. Yes, we can have a trial period and get part of our money refunded, but if I manage to move, I don't think I'll budge. LOL The thought of moving does overwhelm me. I know I will be fine with community living. I just hope we can manage to do this before we are unable. I suppose we could hire caregivers to come to our home when needed, but I would feel safer in a community. Both of the communities that we are considering are well established and both are Christian, which would suit us fine. I know hubby doesn't want to give up most of our money either. It's all rather scary. Getting old is not for wimps. LOL

Countrymouse Feb 2017
It sounds as if Bett and her husband have already found an apartment they like the look of in a facility that offers continuing care...

Bett, it sounds ideal; and I congratulate you warmly on taking such a constructive approach. Would you perhaps be able to negotiate a trial period or a short stay to see how you take to community life?

freqflyer Feb 2017
Bett, it is great that you and your hubby are talking about this future move.   So many times there is one spouse who dig in their heels and refuse to move.   I had that with my parents who were in their 90's.... [sigh].

Check out all the places in your area.   Then see if it is something that will fit into your budget.   If you really like a place but not quite ready to move, put yourself on a waiting list, there is usually a returnable deposit.

Now, time to downsize what is in your home.   If it is a large house, it will take some time going through everything.   I dread sorting out my own stuff, plus my parents stuff that I had drugged home after their recent passing.   Easiest way is to say to yourself, are all these books worth packing into a box and paying a moving company to move them?

I think you and hubby are at the good age to plan this future move.   I always feel going in sooner than later is better.   You want to be able to learn your way around and to make a lot of new friends :)

Sunnygirl1 Feb 2017
Your profile says that you are caring for your husband. Does he have issues that you anticipate needing increased care soon? Are finances an issue? It's smart to look at this now, so you can plan.

I don't have any advice, but, I bet others here will. I've been encouraging my parents to downsize from their large house and move to a more manageable condo, that is near medical offices, pharmacy, shops, church, etc. They are 76 and 79 years of age, but, my dad is resisting. He's still quite active, so, he doesn't see the need.

I would keep in mind how much space you would need if one of you needed wheelchair room, handicap access, etc. The place you move might be able to accommodate those needs.

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