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Bobbers69 Asked November 2016

What steps do I have to take to be my mother's caregiver?

 she doesn't want anyone else to take care of her and I'm more then happy to do it. I'm just looking for who to call about this. Her doctor asked if I was her caregiver and my mom said yes. So how do I go about getting help to qualified to be her caregiver.

freqflyer Nov 2016
Bobbers69, make sure you have medical Power of Attorney and financial Power of Attorney to help your Mom. These POA come in real handy in case you need to have your Mom in the hospital and when she is unable to handle her own finances. If your Mom hasn't assigned anyone to be POA, have her do it ASAP because once she starts to have memory issues [and she will] it will be more difficult for her understand legal documents. Call an Elder Law Attorney to help you with this.

For one to be a caregiver, all it takes is one willing to do all the work involved. And if your Mom can pay you a hourly rate, that would be great since you are out of work. You don't want to miss too many years by doing caregiving and not having enough for yourself when you retire. As Pam mentioned above, you will need to have an employment contract, which will come in handy when, and if, the time comes for your Mom to apply for Medicaid.

Depending on where you live, call your local agency on aging and see what programs are available. You might be able to get Meals On Wheels for your Mom, that will help with not needing to cook so much.

And plan ahead just in case your Mom needs a higher level of care. Look around at the Assisted Living facilities in your area. If you see something you like and it is affordable, put your Mom's name on the waiting list and pay the refundable deposit. If a room comes available but your Mom isn't ready at that moment, you can still stay on the list. Sometimes these places have very long waiting lists.

Countrymouse Nov 2016
Why's her potassium needing control, Bobbers? Are you sure there aren't underlying heart issues?

Anyway; good for you, but having been along this road I do have a couple of caveats.

If you're thinking of not looking for new paid employment while you take care of your mother, then you MUST get the money sorted out. It is okay for your mother to agree to pay you a reasonable allowance/fee/grant to maintain you while you live with her as your caregiver, but this has to be her free choice and you must get it down in writing. The regulations, as I understand it, vary from state to state: get professional advice on drawing up a caregiver contract between your mother and yourself in advance. DO THIS. Do NOT think "oh it'll be fine." Your mother, God willing, could live a long time yet and you do not want to end up impoverished, unemployable and broken-hearted. Moreover, unless your mother has limitless resources, the time could come when you will need to look at Medicaid applications and at that point things will get seriously complicated if she's been giving you money informally.

You should also ask your mother to give you Power of Attorney so that if, in future, she becomes incapable of making decisions or handling her money you are able to do it for her. This again has to be her free choice; and you should educate yourself in advance about the guidelines governing the Dos and Don'ts of using POA. Similarly, you'll need her formal permission for you to deal with healthcare choices in future - this can be another kind of POA, or health care proxy: find out what applies in your area.

You may never need any of these legal powers! With good luck, your mother will continue to be of sound mind and you and she will continue to live in peace and harmony. But if you haven't got these things sorted out and she does become incapable, it'll be too late and you'll be right up the creek without a paddle. Not funny.

Finally, think long term. Imagine yourself in three, five, ten years' time, still doing this without a break. Get your support network in place now so that you get regular breaks and as much help as you need.

And good luck! I hope you and your mother and the dogs will thrive :)

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Bobbers69 Nov 2016
She has told her doctor that i am here 24/7 and i am we live together. I was working crazy hours at work and she wasn't doing very good since i wasn't always around but that has changed i got laid off at work and don't mind stepping up and just staying home to care for her at all. Her medicine is just blood pressure and potassium for right now. She's 88 so very very unsteady on her feet and really cant stand to long to cook and clean witch i now do all of that. I help her bathe and stuff. We have 3 big dogs so that's another reason i prefer to be her caregiver. Thank you so much for the help it's greatly appreciated.

pamstegma Nov 2016
If she told him you are there 24/7, call him immediately and clear up the facts. If she is Medicaid eligible, then her county social services will provide services through a licensed and insured agency OR possibly train you if you meet their qualifications. If she is not on Medicaid, then she pays you out of pocket with a written care contract.

GivingItMyAll Nov 2016
Sorry hit the send butto too soon. I asked mom's PT to show me some lifting and transferring techniques. Her visiting nurse has helped me a lot in wound prevention and care. I would advise keep your mom moving as long as possible.

GivingItMyAll Nov 2016
I wouldventure a guess that at least 90 percent of caregivers just fall into that role and don't have special training. If she has medical issues that are above the level of your abilities then you might ask the doctor about that. But then someone has been taking care of that already I guess. You could look for a CNA class and take that. It would give you training and confidence to do the mechanics. Bathing, repositioning, transferring and the like.

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