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1977DEM Asked October 2016

My father has dementia and lives 1 hour away. Should I tell him about my health problems which keep me away?

 My health problems keep me away for weeks at a time. I've given up calling for an update or trying to talk to him. The staff just says he is fine. Family members do not communicate. I do not want to upset her by telling her new information but I would like her to know that I miss her and will see her when I can. Would frequent letters help?

Rainmom Oct 2016
That's hitting the wrong key six times. Your post seems sincere but I gotta wonder.

1977DEM Oct 2016
Actually, my father is in the nursing home. My mother is deceased. I hit the wrong key.

I don't know what he remembers because too much time has gone by since my last visits. We were very close and I wonder if he remembers that. I feel so guilty for not taking care of him like I used to. Family members and my health have prevented that level of attention.

Your point about how the family would react if he said something was a well taken. I hadn't considered that. No, I do not want their involvement in this part of my life. They are the ones that have created the rif. I will let it all go for now. Thank you very much for your opinion.

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freqflyer Oct 2016
I didn't tell my parents that I had cancer because my Dad was just in the beginning stage of recovering from a mild heart attack. I was afraid that I would upset my parents [they were in their late 80's to early 90's at the time, and still lived in their house, and I still lived in mine].

Therefore, this is a decision that you have to make, such as how upset will your parents be [I see from your profile that your Mom lives in a nursing home].... and depending on their memory, if they would remember you even telling them. And if they would get things mixed up and talk to the relatives.

Part of me thought maybe I should have told them, but then they would be helicoptering over me which would have driven me crazy... I knew how they were when I just had a common cold. So I just made up excuses why I couldn't help them with certain things.

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