Toilet issues for patient and caregiver. What am I to do?

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Savannah5770 Asked December 2015

Toilet issues for patient and caregiver. What am I to do?

Have taken care of my husband for 9 yrs. he is 70. He had Sm Cell Lung Cancer, Stroke, Leaking Aorta, Dementia, Shunt Placement etc... I am burnt out big time with no respite, little help with Home Health Care, and now they've bowed out. Ergggg! My # 1 complaint is I am fed up with his Crap! Literally!! I have changed diapers, washed soiled under clothes, pj's etc... He uses the toilet on his own, when he can make it there, but has the wiping ability of a 2 yr old, it's up his back, down his legs, the floor toilet and sink etc...( you get the picture) everywhere. Then this infuriates and sends me into a blind rage. It takes 1 to 2 hrs cleaning him the bathroom and taking out the trash. What am I to do? He won't wear diapers, which really wouldn't be a solution anyway as I am just beyond done cleaning CRAP!!!

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score 0 · Answer 1

In the rural area we live, the best offer is Adult Day Care... he refuses. His MD had suggestions but they involved him having Medicaid, for which he's not eligible. Social workers I have spoke to have no answers either. I have tried on my own to find outside help to no avail.

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Savannah, it is much harder when it is your husband, instead of a parent. Your vows are "in sickness and health." There may come a time, though, when you can't care for him at home. Most of us women are not strong enough and the needs become too great. Have you considered finding a care facility for him so that you can take a break? No permanent decisions have to be made just yet, but having a break may help you to see what is possible. Please get a social worker in to see what kind of help is available for your husband. Some of the hospices have facilities with rooms that are available temporarily. It may help you a lot to get a break.

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Savannah, you BOTH need help at home. Can your MD order help for both of you? Is there a county office for the disabled near you? Can they send someone out to see what help you can get?

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Rainmom, We have 4 grown boys with families. One in Fla. one in Tn and 2 here, KY. All of which use their busy lives as an excuse (one excuse is as good as another) I've had several jobs I've had to give up over the last 9 yrs. every time my husband got well enough to take care on his own he would have another big set back, last being a stroke. He can barely communicate, cannot walk and is mostly helpless. I am 58 with degenerative disc disease and osteopenia in my hips, needless to say I am in constant pain and depressed.

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Savannah - can you say whether you have any adult children? Also - do you work outside the home? And lastly - if you don't mind - about how old are you? Just trying to get a better idea of your circumstances to better comment.

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Toilet issues for patient and caregiver. What am I to do?

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