Must I pay for my brother's travel expenses to travel to come see their Mom before or after she dies?

I have newsforlittle bro. First of all he sayshecan come thefirstofthemonth. Hemissedthe boat. She died and funeral is done.2nd. She has no estate. When you are a resident at the nh. Your rent is paid by your monthly social security. Don't know whathestinking and I knowhehas a agenda. He's not sad about my mom. Hewent straighttothequestion of who the attorney is. There is none cause there's no money. All her extra expenses came from my personal account. Can he go snooping of what was spent on my mom. ? So sad. He had plenty of chance to show unconditional love. My mom was always wondering about her prodigal son. I hope he stays away cause I don't trust him.

Equinox, I am sorry about your mother. You did the best that you could do. Don't have any doubts. They will eat you up.

Many airlines have "bereavement fares" for those who need to attend a funeral of a close family member. Ask a good travel agent (if you can still find one) or call the airline that has the best connections and go from there (may need to call several). When I went to my brother's funeral, I had to supply a copy of his obituary listing me as his sister. Worth a try...

Equinox, my guess is bro wants Mom's estate to pay for his travel. The attorney will tell him no. So sad.

I receive a call from youngest bro. he says he will save money for the funeral and the wake. That's themessage left in a answering machine. Oh goodness. Moms wishes was to bury in Florida. Mom died before Mother's Day. Bro had been giventhatinformatiin. MYhusbamd and I flew my mom and ourselves to
destination. I called him back to say hand to let him know aboutthedetqils he already was made aware of. Then he asked about the attorney. Why would he ask about an attorney.

We can't be responsible for other people's choices. He will do what he can do, and if he can't get there, then let it go. You tried to warn him of the time frame.

It's not just the airfare. It's the place to stay and food. My youngest brother thought I had income from property . He has his own agenda. He hasn't called his mom for 6 years. He says he was homeless for a while. He left Florida when he wasn't homeless and went to another state and became homeless. Over the years he was receiving money from my mom. We spoke and he said he will try to save money for amtrak. It will take him 3 months so he thinks she can stick around for 3 months we will see. I'm at peace that we talked cause I didn't want him to say I didn't want him to see her because paying his transportation is not an option. There are expenses that I will be paying myself. Thank you for your understanding.

Don't break your bank, because there is no guarantee they will use it for the "PURPOSE INTENDED". I certainly found that out....But it's okay...I tried.....

I did that with my brother. Told him to come down and spend a few minutes with Mom, and the rest with our other brother before he died. He didn't cash the check until almost a year later. He came down for our brother's funeral......Nice....It wasn't about mom,it was to spend time wit the person I knew who was going to go first.....

Can you or Mom afford to pay their airfair? If you can, then send them a cashiers check for a certain amount of funds, and tell them to come in a spend a few minutes with MOm......

When my mom was dying, only had about 1 or 2 weeks to live, I texted my sibs. They all complained how much a last minute ticket would cost. I didn't care. I've been helping dad caregive mom for 23 years, with not much help from sibs. Mom was bedridden for over 13 years. They had the money to go on trips several times a year, pay for hotel, etc.., So don't complain to me that a last minute ticket would cost them $3,000.00. They had 13 years to save up for that emergency ticket for mom.

Equinox, your brothers know the situation with mom. They could have been saving for that eventuality. But they didn't. They will just have to figure out the best way to come - whether it's by train or the Greyhound bus, etc... Borrow a family member's car and drive it. Or do the online thing. (I don't have skype.) Whatever happens, it's not your fault that your brothers cannot be there for mom. They're adults. They should have set aside an emergency provision for this eventuality. So, when that guilty feeling pops up, push it away.

I agree with pam. They can manage to do what is most important to them, and that's their responsibility. Air fare is not insurmountable if they want to see Mom.

No you don't have to pay for it. A phone call would be nice, certainly he can afford to call her once a week. Maybe he could send her a card, too.

Maybe you could video chat? Skype or Facetime?

Great answers. Ident haver he funds and neither does my mom. One bro is in Florida lives with his daughter and the other bro is in Boston. They say they have no funds and neither can I afford it.
Thank you for your suggestions,

I don't know that you MUST, but it might be the sweet thing to do, if you can afford it.

Does your mother have the funds to spare? Perhaps she could contribute.

Can you help them hunt for low cost airfare or provide the room and board once they arrive to help offset costs? If they have the ability to be flexible with their travel, some airlines have really low cost seats on their least travelled flights. Or they could do layovers rather than fly non-stop.

The fact of the matter is, they may have to make a choice between coming before and coming for the funeral.

Is driving totally out of the question? Maybe a bus? I don't really have the advantage of knowing how far they have to travel and if they are in a rural or metropolitan area. Perhaps if they live near enough, they could ride together, hire a nephew to drive if necessary.