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mamabear1970 Asked March 2015

How can I get a hold of my Dad's finances to help pay for his NH and care?

I have DPOA for my Dad. His wife has been horrible to him their whole marriage. She can't wait for him to die. She has done NOTHING for him their whole marriage except verbal abuse him. She keeps trying to take his money that is just in his name. The cops have been called so many times - she is losing her mind and is very crazy. He broke his hip in November - had surgery, got the flu a month later. He was put in a nursing home/rehab but the 100 days of Medicare is over. He is now in the hospital and the doctor has told me he is in the dying process and will NOT get better. Hospice is coming to my house to talk to me tonight - The hospital is ready to release him but needs to know where he is going to go- which nursing home. The previous nursing home has refused to let him come back. The reason is b/c my step-mom refused to pay for his care. Like I said I have DPOA - He signed for me to be on an account so I could take care of him but my Step-Mom found out and went crazy at the bank so the account has been put on hold. If I don't come up with a way to get to his finances in the next 2 days - I will not be able to help him. He has a 401K but his work said he is the only one who can request to get money out of it. He is not in a condition right now to think straight or sign anything. I feel as though I don't know what to do. I know he has stocks but it is in a safe at his house where my step-mom lives. I don't know how with me being POA to get those.

She has told numerous people she is not paying anything for him. He can't go to her house and he needs pretty much 24/7 care which costs a lot. I am pretty much his only Hope but I was going to try to get Guardianship - per my attorney but I don't have time now....My attorney hasn't been much help other than suggesting Guardianship. I have also called Adult Protective Services on her per my attorney and the other nursing home he was in.

This is a huge mess and I don't know what to do!!!

Twizard Mar 2015
The only thing you can do is pursue emergency guardianship. And, unfortunately his will is going to be enforced. Spouses are first in line, and that is ironclad when there is a will. Your one hope is the account he put your name on. That can be contested from going to her. Contact The senior care advocates in your local area. Every state has them. I do not know where you are but all states have senior advocates, ombudsman and hospice care resources. Not trying to be flippant, but Google or bing elderly services advocates (and your state).

mamabear1970 Mar 2015
I also forgot to mention that she has lots of money in her own name that she refuses to spend on him. Plus she has 7 cats that live in her house and she spends tons of money every month on cat food for strays. She goes 7 days a week to 3 different locations to feed these strays - she buys them soft cat food. She gets all of his social security money each month - and still says she don't have enough money to make ends meet. Also their cars and house is paid for.
She orders things off QVC almost daily!! She said his money and her money is for her when she needs to go into assisted living or nursing home.

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mamabear1970 Mar 2015
He does have a will. If he dies first everything goes to her. He never changed the will. When he was in the nursing home he said he wanted to change the will - but now I don't think he can b/c his thinking isn't clear. He has accounts that is just in his name but I don't know where they all are. The Guardianship would cost a lot of money and I don't know if we have time for it to get approved.
He does dialysis 3 times a week and I know Medicare is done paying for the 100 days. Nursing homes cost like 7K a month. He knew she was crazy but felt sorry for her so he stayed with her. I'm upset with him b/c he has left me in this situation.

pamstegma Mar 2015
Your attorney is right, immediately pursue emergency Guardianship, or else the state will step in. This would also force his wife to give up control of his assets, which must be done asap. It's going to be you or the state very shortly.

Windyridge Mar 2015
You are going in the right direction. The hospice coordinator can help set up Medicare coverage for hospice. A lot of this is going to be eventually settled by his will assuming he has one. I don't know how you're goingbto get around the step mom. Maybe try the bank again with your POA and explain it's an end of life situation

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