Does anyone have ideas how to keep her clean?

Rather than just assume you all know about these, I am putting in a watersolublebags all these bags can hold contaminated laundry sheets towels etc and you put the whole bag into the washing machine. Saves on spreading the risk of infection still further xx

Here are a couple of links:

https://www.agingcare.com/Products/sanitary-bidet-161675.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/incontinent-wont-sit-commode-155516.htm

In the past, some people have talked about bidet add-ons that you can put on your toilet to wash your loved one when they go to the bathroom. I googled "bidet add on" and got some for about $60. I'll see if I can find the threads where they discuss that. The people using them seemed very happy with them.

In looking after a friends mother while friend was out of town on an emergency, I saw that granma was using inexpensive washcloths that were dampened and in a plastic bag. They were somewhat rough textured and she was able to easily wipe the poop off of herself. She then dropped the washcloth poop and all in to a bucket. The bucket contents got tossed in the washing machine and put on the 3 hour long sanitize/sterilize mode with hot water, soap, bleach, fabric softener, steam, extra rinse, stain treat, you name it. Came out clean and smelling of bleach. So that might work for you....just a thought. But definitely time to get the disposable gloves out for you and genuine bleach wipes (most wipes don't contain real bleach, but you can buy them special) to disinfect surfaces.

When my husband started being unreliable regarding hand cleaning he was still fastidious about drying them. (He'd always had problems with chapped hands and he developed a habit of drying well and using lotion.) I took all the hand towels out of the bathroom and put in a pretty basket of wash clothes. These are ideal size for one-time use to dry hands. I also put in an open hamper for the "towels." Dry your hands, throw it in the hamper.

This at least stopped the sharing of towel germs. Hopefully even if he didn't to a thorough job of cleaning with soap and water, the drying process also helped clean.

As his dementia progressed I'd meet him with a warm soapy washcloth and wash his hands for him. Eventually I also did the butt-wiping.

I hadn't really considered this scenario when I promised "for better or for worse" - but it worked for us.

(By the way, hubby died two years ago, and we still use the mini hand towels for single use drying. I do a couple loads of hand towels a week, but we all like this practice.)

Thanks for the sympathy Francis, believe me I have lost my mind over this situation more than once, you have to live the live of a caregiver to really understand it

I don't think I could deal with what you are, whippeddat. Luckily, my mom is only pee-incontinent and wears diapers. I assist her with wiping, the front to back thing (important to avoid UTI's)

I had the same problem and mum wouldnt call me when she was going to go to the bathroom so I put a bell on it like a servants bell so I knew when she opened the door. That meant that I started to wipe my mum but she resented it and was difficult BUT she did note I was using surgical gloves - dont ask me how that penetrated I have no idea. She now uses the bathroom under supervision and I make sure she has gloves on and that she put them in the bin next to the toilet. I keep sanitising gel there too because she likes the feel of it. I go through a pack of gloves a week but it is far better than having deal with the alternatives. it is time consuming and a pain to get right... think of it as retraining a baby - she has to learn a new technique and she may never learn the technique but at least you will be there to guide her every time....don't expect a lot of sleep if she is a night toileter though my mum gets up about 4 times every night...odd how she can go straight back to sleep while I can't!!!!

I do that when I can, I also give her a good scrub when I get her in the shower. You sound just like me I'm always cleaning it up, and I agree it is a gross way to live.

Other than wiping her yourself, I don't see much you can do...my mother also doesn't wipe right , and there is mess on the toilet seat I'm constantly cleaning, her hands are not clean either, she wipes feces from them on my towels without washing them, then puts her hands all over my furniture, hand rails, doorknobs, sink...every time she uses the bathroom I need to ask if she washed her hands..I keep tons of santizing wipes and wipe everything down constantly.. It's a gross way to live!