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Foryou Asked December 2014

I am the caregiver out of 6 children and am getting no help. Any advice?

My mother is a diebetic and her daughter tells her to eat what ever. I've been taking care of Mother and working 20 hours a day but siblings is no help they don't want me to hire some one 4 hours a day to bath and companionship. They can't wanting to save the money for inheritence any suggestions on how I can protect my self so they don't make false accusations against me? Also my Mother is 88 years on on O2, Dieabetic, Incontenence stool as well as urine daily, and previous fractured hip. They get mad when I buy good food and hire some one for her to talk to. They wanted me to put her in her bedroom when she came home from the nursing home I set her up in her living room with all the convenence. She Has a daughter across the street that comes over for about a hour once a week and just complaines. Any suggestins would help should I get a lawyer for reference later. Thanks for your help.

Foryou Dec 2014
Thank you so much, Yah I mentioned a nursing home and they don't want her in there because that would cost money. The thing is they are retired and have only come to her house once in three years and that was to house when they seen her condition they only stayed one day in the past they stayed five. I am doing what my Mother wants me to do get a care taker in four hours a day to bath and clean. I just can't believe they want her son to bath her and take away her dignity just so they can save the money for later. The other siblings says she is going to sue and I wanted to cover myself like I said I have been doing the for three year and my health is deterating due to being stressed and not having any support. Also as far as finances should I get a 3rd party book keeper to keep track of everything. Thanks again for the support.

Countrymouse Dec 2014
Agree - call your local services. And apart from the help, this is good behind-covering advice. False accusations from your absent siblings will get nowhere if your mother and the way you care for her has been assessed and documented by professional social workers.

Also agree with the key question: who's got POA, and/so who's in charge of the money? If someone else has and is doing nothing to help your mother, that person has some explaining to do. If you have, then you make the decisions and they can go… think what they like.

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jeannegibbs Dec 2014
Who has POA?

Yes, you should see a lawyer who specializes in Elder Law, for your current situation as well as for future reference.

And you should call your Office of Aging.

If your siblings don't like the way you take care of Mother, perhaps they would be more satisfied with a care center. Oh wait, that would cost money, wouldn't it? So they probably wouldn't like that, either.

Are you doing this caregiving in exchange for just room and board, or are you also being paid? How are you going to afford your own retirement years?

See an elder law attorney.

pamstegma Dec 2014
Call your County Office of the Aging. They will help you even when family does nothing.

BarbBrooklyn Dec 2014
Do you have POA? If not, who does? My feeling about these sibling issues is, if they don't like how I'm doing it, I'm happy to let them take over.

Given your mom's medical and care needs, she would certainly benefit from being in a care center.

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