Narcissist sister. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Narcissist sister. Any advice?

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My 77 yr old mother has early stage dementia and does not like a lot a of noise. She doesn't like when my siblings visit on holidays. I have explained to them in various ways that she doesn't want them to come. Mom says she has told them but can't really believe her.
Problem is that weeks before the holidays she gets worked up and her glucose skyrockets. I had again explained to my sister before Thanksgiving and she agreed to not come til the spring. Well last weekend she told my mom that she was coming for Christmas and so her glucose has been high. I am sick and tired of this same crap
I don't believe my sister truly loves her. Because if she did, even though it hurts you, you would do what's best for mom. Why doesn't my sweet sister ' conscious awaken the rest of the year?? Funny how she doesn't think of or want to see mom during the rest of the year. What pisses me off is that I have to deal with the fallout!!!!

How can this change if I have already tried to make it clear so many times? Of course mom doesn't help much if she doesn't put her foot down and would rather play the martyr. How have others dealt with this??

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reminds me of another funny story from 30 yrs ago . my dad and i were reframing his old back door because it was sagging and wouldnt close and latch properly . near completion of the project , we had the door closed and were hanging 1 x 4 trim boards around the inside of the door with # 16 framing nails . when we opened the door my youngest sis was standing on the stoop . she told us shes been made to feel unwelcome in peoples homes before but this was the first time anyone had ever boarded up the door in anticipation of her arrival .
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AND...If mom is suffering from agitation and anxiety, she might benefit from a visit to a geriatric psychiatrist. In general, elders become agitated about many things, not just visits from their children.

You don't say if you live with mom or the other way around. How about calling up sis next time and saying "sorry, I told you that we're having a quiet holiday alone; I couldn't possibly have over on Christmas; unless you're coming to take care of mom so that I can take the day off".

You owe it to yourself to get some therapy to help you deal with your sibling issues. I can certainly understand your anger at your siblings who don't help but who want to make themselves feel better "oh, I visited Mom for Christmas!".
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If mom is suffering from agitation and anxiety, she might benefit from a visit to a geriatric psychiatrist. In general, elders become agitated about many things, not just visits from their children.

You don't say if you live with mom or the other way around. How about calling up sis next time and saying "sorry, I told you that we're having a quiet holiday alone; I couldn't possibly have over on Christmas; unless you're coming to take care of mom so that I can take the day off".

You owe it to yourself to get some therapy to help you deal with your sibling issues. I can certainly understand your anger at your siblings who don't help but who want to make themselves feel better "oh, I visited Mom for Christmas!".
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Sorry. Forgot to mention that my sister and I have never been close. Also I have always been uncomfortable around my brother because of sexual comments he made to me when I was young. Mom doesn't know about it.
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