Looking for a companion for my Mom (89). Any advice?
My mother lives in her own home in King City. She walks a mile a day with her dog, but is very lonely and depressed. She is requesting a companion, and maybe do light housework.
A senior center would be a good way to meet others. Please utilize the dept of aging regarding opportunities. My mother is in a "grandparents program " at a daycare. She is the grandma of the class and essentially helps get the kids settled or cut out things for the kids. Mom is 82 yrs old and loves it
Freqflyer, I am happy to report that young and old have mixed very well for us. Not only the children in our family with their grandparents but also with the great aunts and unclues. My father loves to talk to any younger adults who come into the house. I think if your mom is a social person, she will figure it out and if unable to speak liket mom with dementia, polishing nails, reading, etc. can be done by someone from amy age group.
If your mother is able to walk at her age, she probably won't need assistant living for a while. She might look into an Independent living apartment. Some have meal and some don't. They don't here and I am on Meals on Wheels. The food is OK. Where do you live?
Try your local University. Here in Chicago, Northwestern students developed a brand new program that pre-screens college students who need a place to stay and will help out with chores and such for a room. Just another idea.
Sorry Frequent Flyer, you can't force someone into an AL, and if I was walking a mile a day I would tell whomever suggested that to stick it where the sun don't shine.
To answer your question yes, you underestimate young people and the elderly. Many young people are interested in the old days, once they start to see pictures of the elderly person at their age, something clicks.
Ever heard of the book/movie "Tuesday Afternoons with Maurie"? It was about that and a true story, a younger man reunites with old college professor who is elderly and ill and they become friends.
OP, you have several options before making the leap into an AL. You also have to factor in the financial situation. I'm guessing the mother's house is paid off, why start spending money for an AL that is going to be at least $4 or 5K a month at this point.
Many years ago I lived with a friend of the families father, not caregiving, the family just wanted someone in the house with him, I was just out of college and he was in his 80s, we became buddies. The family noticed that he perked up having someone in the house with him. It was a great situation both ways, I had free rent in a beautiful home, so I could work and start paying off student loans, and he had a companion to talk to. He cooked and I did the dishes...LOL.
I bet you can find someone, even if it is just a few days a week, you start with simple solutions first.
Check with the Dept of Aging or local equivalent, a senior day program, possibly an agency that specializes in senior companions. We found a day care person for my mother-in-law through a neighbor who had a part-time cleaning lady who was very good. I know several middle-aged Christian ladies who clean houses in our area who would be good at this if they had time available; ask around for recommendations.
I agree with Pam, maybe it is time for your Mom to be in the next phase of living, to be with others from her own generation, new people to meet and be friends with, activities, dining together, etc. plus go walking with other residents who walk their own dogs :) ... be it independent living or assistant living or retirement community or continuing care housing [different areas call it different things].
I am just curious, has anybody ever been able to hire a college student to be an Aide to an elder? What would an 89 have in common to talk about with a 19 or 20 year old? Yes, that student could do light housekeeping but they would also need time to work on their studies. How much companionship would there be?
Please take note that your Mom is able to work her dog at 89, but all that could change quickly. My parents use to walk 2 miles a day, every day, until my Dad had a heart attack. Those walking days are now history. And my parents are bored silly being in their own home being in their 90's now. How sad they are missing out on new friendships and clubs to join if they had moved to a retirement community.... [sigh]
Pam, that is a really dumb suggestion. The woman walks a mile a day, hardly ready for assisted living. Yes, put someone in an AL who is probably living in a house that is paid off. Put on your thinking cap.
That's like saying I have a cavity, so have all your teeth pulled out and get dentures...sigh.
Patrice, that is a great idea. Hiring a part time college student who could do some housework and also provide someone to talk to. Church is also a good idea.
This woman isn't ready for A/L by any means, there are plenty of us(myself included) who aren't walking a mile a day.
I might post something on the church bulletin board or ask at your local grade school. May be someone looking for part time work while kids their kids are in school.
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Just another idea.
To answer your question yes, you underestimate young people and the elderly. Many young people are interested in the old days, once they start to see pictures of the elderly person at their age, something clicks.
Ever heard of the book/movie "Tuesday Afternoons with Maurie"? It was about that and a true story, a younger man reunites with old college professor who is elderly and ill and they become friends.
OP, you have several options before making the leap into an AL. You also have to factor in the financial situation. I'm guessing the mother's house is paid off, why start spending money for an AL that is going to be at least $4 or 5K a month at this point.
Many years ago I lived with a friend of the families father, not caregiving, the family just wanted someone in the house with him, I was just out of college and he was in his 80s, we became buddies. The family noticed that he perked up having someone in the house with him. It was a great situation both ways, I had free rent in a beautiful home, so I could work and start paying off student loans, and he had a companion to talk to. He cooked and I did the dishes...LOL.
I bet you can find someone, even if it is just a few days a week, you start with simple solutions first.
I am just curious, has anybody ever been able to hire a college student to be an Aide to an elder? What would an 89 have in common to talk about with a 19 or 20 year old? Yes, that student could do light housekeeping but they would also need time to work on their studies. How much companionship would there be?
Please take note that your Mom is able to work her dog at 89, but all that could change quickly. My parents use to walk 2 miles a day, every day, until my Dad had a heart attack. Those walking days are now history. And my parents are bored silly being in their own home being in their 90's now. How sad they are missing out on new friendships and clubs to join if they had moved to a retirement community.... [sigh]
That's like saying I have a cavity, so have all your teeth pulled out and get dentures...sigh.
Patrice, that is a great idea. Hiring a part time college student who could do some housework and also provide someone to talk to. Church is also a good idea.
This woman isn't ready for A/L by any means, there are plenty of us(myself included) who aren't walking a mile a day.