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Canaro19840 Asked April 2014

What can you do if a 78 yr old man keeps making sexual remarks and stares all the time?

My gf works for and lives with an old man who has parkinson and wants to be treated like a king. He thinks women should serve him. I don't believe his parkinson is the reason he harasses her. He's using that as an excuse to do it cause he has never don't it to me cause I have told him what I would do to ppl that try to talk to my girl like a prostitut. He has been arrested for that in the past. I'm worried that when I leave he will start all over again cause since I've been here on vacation he hasent said anything cause he know I will do something about it. What can I do? Is there anything legally I can do if he does till I get enough money to get my gf out of there cause she has no where to go

Canaro19840 Apr 2014
Wish I could take her with me but I can't. Believe me she is afraid of confrontations so she avoids it. The old mans daughter passes it off cause of his parkinson yet she only sees her father twice a year and does not leave his grand daughter alone with him. No my gf has no family and she has been emotionaly and verbally and sexually abused most if her life so I know for a fact her self esteem is low. I will just get her out of there as soon as I can cause she does not deserve this but that's what she's used to all her life. This problem has been going on for years with him but she has been putting up with it but now since I've made her see what it is doing to her emotionally she has realized that it was not normal for him to say things and suggest things he wants to do to her. She always kept telling him to stop. I will suggest she contact his daughter again and tell her that she will be moving out. Maybe then she will feel safe again and not have to be treated like a piece of meat. Thanks for the advice and don't worry I won't get myself in trouble. I'm staying neutral and working on getting her out of there so we can have a place together and she can have her kids back

Eyerishlass Apr 2014
What she can do is firmly tell him that his remarks are inappropriate and that they make her uncomfortable. A half-hearted protest isn't good enough. She's been there 7 years. This guy is just now starting to harass her? And she is the only person involved in his care? Who takes care of him if she's not there?

She doesn't have a friend or family member that can take her in temporarily? Can she call the daughter, the one she went to school with, and tell her the problems she's having with the father? Are there other siblings besides the daughter? Can she leave with you? However, if she does leave with you she'd have to call the Division of Aging (or whatever it's called where you are) and let them know that this man is going to be alone. She can't abandon him, that's considered abuse.

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pamstegma Apr 2014
I'm sorry but it sounds like she might be baiting you into giving him a whack. She has to get out of there, get up and go. It's like domestic violence. As long as you stay with it, you cannot save yourself. Maybe she is hinting that she wants you to take her with you. It's her life and she is the only one who can change it. Please don't be foolish and get drawn in to a no-win battle.

Canaro19840 Apr 2014
She does not get paid. She has known and worked for him for 7 yrs cause she went to school with his daughter. She get free room and board. I am leaving soon and he knows I'm just visiting, she always tells him no and to stop but it don't seem to work. She also has bipolar and ADHD and has been abused all her life. I am ok and am not doing anything to get myself in trouble he does not know that I know he treats her like this . All I want to know is what can she do since she has no place to go to make him stop when I leave till I get money to get her a place to live any help would be greatly needed.

Eyerishlass Apr 2014
Who employs your girlfriend? Surely someone signs her paychecks. A friend? Family member? Who's responsible for this man?

Has she told this man that his remarks make her uncomfortable? That his behavior is not acceptable?

If your girlfriend is uncomfortable with the way this man treats her she needs to discuss it with the person who hired her.

I don't think you have any reason to feel threatened by this man and you wanting to "do something about it" isn't going to help the situation. There's nothing you can do legally. The police don't care about a lascivious old man who stares at and hits on his caregiver.

pamstegma Apr 2014
She has to say NO, she has to walk out. Anything you do will only land you in jail. Just your presence could be trespassing, since you are not an employee. Your temper is getting short. Get out before you do something stupid.

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