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bwetzell Asked March 2014

How to handle incompetent Mom who thinks she is "just fine?"

Mom was in Assisted Living but her dementia has increased to the point she needs to be in a Memory Care Unit. At this point she is one of the more "high functioning" residents. But she DOES need to be there. However, she thinks she should be able to live on her own. How do I explain to her that she is exactly where she needs to be?

sunflo2 Mar 2014
I would talk to care team and doctor and have them reinforce that she needs to move to memory care. Another option, if she is high functioning and this isn't too bad such that she is unsafe (for example, wandering off), is it possible to hire some additional help for her and allow her to remain in AL for a little while longer? A friend of mine did this and although it was added expense, it allowed his mom some independence a while longer.

Otherwise, you'll just have to move her but she won't be happy and liable to fight it. Just keep visiting her and taking her on outings so she can still have sense of normalcy with you. Maybe you can tAke her to lunch or dinner occasionally on the AL side if both are located in same complex.

pamstegma Mar 2014
You can tell her, but she won't remember. We told mom that some of her problems started when she fell last May. "I never fell in May" was her reply. About all you can do is keep her happy, medicate her anxiety and quiet her frustration. Just keep telling her she is in a safe place, she needs to be in a safe place. And tell her again tomorrow.

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norestforweary Mar 2014
That is exactly what I was going to say Ashlynne. Because she is high functioning at this time, she is probably able to recognize to a degree the other residents poor functioning. She also probably has good days/bad days at this stage of her dementia process.

anonymous179890 Mar 2014
She might accept it more if her doctor told her.

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