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sarahjane Asked February 2014

What to do about a younger adopted sibling that always divides the other siblings and causes money problems for my parents?

What to do about younger adopted sibling that has always divided the other 5 blood siblings, and he has caused money problems for my parents by his life style of making my parents pay for his mistakes by pulling in them his problem making my mother feel guilty for his bad life, three broken marriages and five children. My mother is housing one of the ex. wife's and three of the children. I have always said this behavior was not right and I have said this to my sister for help but they do not care because they are not wanting to be the caregiver as I live the closest to our parents. I am 48 with a husband and three children of my own and I am torn and tired of the emotional roller coaster. Their are so many things he has done to our family that has caused problems, but this is the worse. What do I do?

Countrymouse Mar 2014
Why did your parents with five children of their own choose to adopt this boy? I think the root of your parents' continuing feeling of responsibility towards him is likely to be connected with that original action.

My aunt was unable to have children and adopted two boys. The older caused her grief, anxiety and pain for over sixty years until he died; but he was her son. She would never have considered any option other than giving him love and support.

So: what do you expect your mother to do about her son, your brother? Caring for her means dealing with him. Can you see any way for you to do that?

jeannegibbs Feb 2014
You haven't filled in your profile except to say you are caregiving your mother. In her home or yours? What kind of care does she need? Can the care Mom needs be provided by the ex who lives there?

I am confused about what baby brother has to do with your caregiving. Even if his actions are not right, how does that impact you?

Your sister doesn't want to be the caregiver. Do you?

Not enough detail here to give you advice.

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pamstegma Feb 2014
He is not your problem, he is your parents' problem. Let it go, step back and when the roller coaster starts, get up, put your coat on and go home. The ex can earn her keep at mom's house, and beyond that, put it out of your head.

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