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sunshinenjoy Asked December 2013

How to handle Mom's terrible anger at being moved out of her home?

This is fresh and happened today. My mom is 92 years old and has always been fit. She has no dementia. She cannot live alone due to inability to move well; the stairs in her home; cannot cook; cannot bathe and more which she did before her condition worsed in the last few weeks. She has lived alone up until two months ago but has been in a care facility the last two months after a critical surgery. The docs consider her pretty amazing for her age but want her to have 24 hour care. No steps and not using the walker unless someone is nearby. Today we moved her to a new home. She refuses to take her medicine and told us all to get out. She wants to go home. My sister left after my mom yelled at her and said she was not coming back. My other sisters left crying. I almost want to let her live at home and if something bad happens, well, then it happens. I don't know if I can take her emotional unhappiness. I'd might rather deal with possibility of a slip/fall if she goes back to her house. We have never seen our mother like this. She is always polite and kind. She practically cussed us and yelled horribly while saying get out of her way and that she can manage if we would let her be. We are new at this-- what should we do or say from this point on?

ps-- could it be that she would rather take a chance on being physically hurt than be so terribly unhappy as though she's been dragged away to a prison?
Thank you for your advice.

sunshinenjoy Dec 2013
Thank you. We know it is hard on her-- she absolutely hates this! I have thought to move to her house but major renovations need to be completed first She's very timid around strangers other than being polite. She will not let strangers in her house. She has simply stated that one of her daughters must come live with her! I feel like she hates us. : /

Sunshine

pamstegma Dec 2013
I have a sister in a group home and I've been through this. When she has to move, she is not allowed to call or contact family or the previous group home for two weeks. This gives her time to get to know staff and other residents. It works very well. They need time to settle in, be patient.

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gladimhere Dec 2013
I see she is competent now rereading. Find a way with outside help to let her stay at home until she can help you and siblings find a place she would like to live. What about with other family members?

gladimhere Dec 2013
Sunshine-
put yourself in her shoes. How long has she lived in her home? Is there a way to bring in home care for her? Are there friends and neighbors, church friends that would be willing to help. Is she competent?

You ans siblings need to understand that naturally she is going yo be unhappy. And when she is upset with you, it is probably more at the situation. She may know she needs help, but has been independent for so long, this would be very hard to give up for anybody.

There must be other options available, and let mother be part of the process.

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