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annie53 Asked October 2013

My mother-in-law refuses to go into a assisted living. Can the State or her doctor make her go?

Her doctor says she is a danger to herself. She dresses herself appropriately, can have conversations with some memory loss. Does the person with the power of attorney have the right to make her go?

pamstegma Nov 2013
Unless she is declared mentally incompetent by a judge, no one can force her to go anywhere. Not even a POA, which not the same as a guardian.

ryanharris Nov 2013
Don't force her to join the assisted living. My uncle was also refused to join the assisted living. He was suffering from Dementia and the doctor recommend him that join the assisted living for his better health. I heard about Luvida Memory Care and visited the place with my uncle and my uncle find it a good place. He also had a talk with other people living there.

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Zoolife Oct 2013
Ann1958 It's true you will have to seek guardianship. POA is a fuzzy line it's an expensive piece of paper that allows you to assist mostly. Guardianship is what comes next if she won't go, or all Adult Protective Services maybe one of their social workers can work with her! Good Luck

PinkLA Oct 2013
This is one of my major concerns. That when the time comes for my mom to go into assisted living that she is going to refuse to go. She lives with us right now, we had to remove her from her home. We thought it would be easier for her to make the transition if she came to live with one of us first, then go to assisted living. Maybe that is a possibility for you???

deb1129 Oct 2013
I found out from a friend who has a husband with dementia that just because you have power of attorney, it doesn't give you the right to make them go to assisted living against their wishes. She had to get guardianship over him in court.

twotonne Oct 2013
Why is she a danger to herself? Does she smoke in bed, leave burners on in the kitchen, lose her balance and fall? Does she still drive, does she get lost?
Contact your Area Agency on Aging or the social worker in her doctor's clinic or hospital to evaluate her and her home safety further and perhaps start a home help aid or meals on wheels. If you have someone coming in once a day for a quick visit, you might delay the assisted living a while if there is no immediate danger. If there is an immediate danger, their unbiased evaluation may be the push she needs to agree to a move to assisted living.

ann1958 Oct 2013
From my experience, it usually takes something to happen first. We all tried everything we could think of to get my FIL into assisted living. We were told that as long as he could make decisions for himself, there was nothing we could do. He was a hoarder and was living in a way that was a danger to him. One of his friends even tried calling the board of health, but was told the same thing. It took him falling on his lawn and being hospitalized to finally get him out of that house and into assisted living. That was because when he fell, the police checked the house and called the board of health and they finally condemned it. He couldn't move back in. My suggestion to you would be to take her to visit some of these places and start getting her familiar with them. Some of them are really awesome and the residents usually love the entertainment, socializing and the great dining. Everyone wants to stay in their own home, and moving can be scary. But all the people I've spoken with love it once they get in to assisted living. Let her see how happy the people are there and how much easier her life could be. It may take some time, but it could turn her feelings about assisted living around.

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