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Scarlett Asked April 2012

My dad is spending more than his pension per week. How do I stop him so that he will not go into debt?

My dad is spending anything up to £400 per week on top of his £600 a week rent plus other bills. He does not have enough pension to cover this and no matter how much I tell him he still does this and just says he knows what he is doing. I live in Cyprus so I am very concerned that he is going to get into debt.

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Apr 2012
I can see why this worries you. It seems as though someone who can talk with him in person would be a good thing. Does he have a friend of his own generation who can intervene? Often family dynamics enter in when an adult child tries to control what the elder does. In the end, if he won't listen to anyone, there may be nothing you can do. Of course, if he has dementia, then you may be able to get some legal control. Good luck,
Carol

notrydoyoda Apr 2012
Your brother is in denial and your younger brother's son should not have to pay for his dad's bills for that is just enabling him to keep spending foolishly and your other brother to stay in denial. Has his son told his dad that he is paying his bills?

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golfqueen1111 Apr 2012
We are having the same problem with my brother who has MS. He keeps ordering things on TV and doesn't have the money to pay for it. His son pays his bills and knows that he has no money. When we tell him he says "I have plenty of money" He is living in a fantasy world. He has 24/7 care as he is in a wheel chair and can't walk or feed himself. We don't know how to get him to realize the facts.

jeannegibbs Apr 2012
Oh Scarlett, how hard for you! Does your father have some underlying condition that might contribute to this behavior, such as bi-polar disorder or dementia?

If he is "in his right mind" and just chooses to be irresponsible, there is little you can do but hope he comes to his senses before the consequences are disasterous.

I think Carol is on the right track in suggesting that someone of his own generation might get through to him better than you can.

Good luck to you!

TahoeTeddy Apr 2012
How old is he? This happened with my Dad and we finally had to have his POA take over paying his finances and doling out his money. Also, if he is buying from people that are calling him, have his phone number changed and have it blocked from telemarketers.

notrydoyoda Apr 2012
golfqueen1111, I assume that your brother knows that his son is paying his bills and that you have shown your brother his bank statements. Who has durable POA for him? Has the doctor evaluated him for being competent? It sounds like whoever has durable POA must take over at this point. If no one has durable POA, then someone must file for guardianship to protect him financially from his own incompetency. I wish you well with this.

golfqueen1111 Apr 2012
My brother has POA of my younger brother with the MS. When I told him I was worried about my younger brother he told me I worry too much!

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