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besse123 Asked February 2012

My sister is taking my mom and her money, how can I stop her?

Mom has moderate cognitive impairment. She needs 24 hour care or assisted living. She is unhappy about this, but is accepting it. She states that she wants to stay in her home as long as possible. One sister is planning on moving mom to her house. There is reason to concern that besides caring for mom, she wants her money and her medication. I already have POA. What steps or documents can I have drawn up that would stop my sister short of filing for incompetency and legal guardianship. Need help in a hurry.

microview Feb 2012
POA Is it Complete or Limited?
Does she own a house?
Does she have a Health Care Proxy or Health Care Power of Attorney, and if so does it list you as the POA for her health?
If you looking for free advice contact your State Adult Services or Administration on Aging. If your looking what your legal rights are contact an "Certified Elder Law Attorney". "CELA". If you have POA for her health and finances and you Allow a know or suspected pill popper take advantage...you could be held liable also.
Best advise is contact a CELA, and make sure you both working in the best interest of mother.

besse123 Feb 2012
Thank you. I have been thinking about all of the issues that the answers have directed me to think about and will continue.

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anonymous95109 Feb 2012
You say your mom has moderate cognitive impairment and that she needs 24 hour care or assisted living. Assisted living is not 24 hour care. Assisted living usually means that the elder needs assistance with meals and travel, but not around the clock, you can't be safe on your own, kind of care. So you need to determine in your mind what it is your mom really needs.

If your mom wants to be in her home, can she do so safely with some in home care or does she need help around the clock? Can you move in with her or can she move in with you?

I was disturbed by your comment that your sister might not only be interested in your mom's money, but also her medications. This doesn't sound like the best place for your mom.

So you need to determine what is in the best interests of your mom and how that can be accomplished. Putting her with a pill popper doesn't sound like a good situation.

Jeanniegibbs gave you some good homework. From this day forward it's not going to get better, so follow Jeannie's advise and keep my questions in mind.

jeannegibbs Feb 2012
It sounds like Mom knows it might not be as long as she lives, but for "as long as possible" she wants to remain home. Is that still possible, with in-home care, in your opinion and with the input of her health care providers?

If Mom says she does not want to move, and you (POA) say you will not turn all finances over to Sister, do you fear that Sister will attempt to move your mother by force? You ask how to stop her. Do you expect kidnapping? Has she made threats? Perhaps a restraining order is called for, prohibiting Sister from visiting Mom unless another family member is present.

besse123 Feb 2012
Thanks for input. We do have funds for in home care. Mom has stated strongly through the years that she wants to stay in her own home as long as possible. She has said this to all of her daughters through the years. Communications are poor. Very stressful for all.

jeannegibbs Feb 2012
Is your mother legally competent to make decisions? Does she want to move in with your sister?

If she stays in her own home, there will be expenses for in-home care providers. If she moves into AL, there will large monthly costs. If she moves in with your sister, it is reasonable to compensate your sister and also to pay for regular respite care so Sis gets a break. As you have POA you will have responsibility to use your mother's income and assets for these expenses, where ever she lives. Sister should not have control of all of Mom's money, but you would need to work out reasonable compensation.

I hope that you and your sister can sit down and talk out what would be BEST FOR MOTHER, without regard to the financial angle. Do your homework. Talk to her doctor. Look at the long term care placements available to her. Investigate in-home care. Consider your mother's wishes. First figure out what would be best, and then figure out the finances.

anonymous97903 Feb 2012
Are you willing to take your mom into your home or take the steps to find a home for her? I have POA & my dad lives with us.

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