I need to know how to handle parents that appear that don't care about their living situation. I have pulled away because I just don't know how to deal with it, and I feel bad but I don't want to deal with it.
Both my parents, still married, live 5 miles from me. I am a IT professional, recently married, only child. My Dad is mentally ill and my Mom has diabetes obesity, and other health issues. My Dad is on SSD and works part time at a grocery store, my Mom is employed full time as an HR professional.
There have been many challenges throughout our lives with alcoholism, homeliness, debt, lack of self care, lack of house cleaning, too many animals, being negative, and just general lack of enjoyment for life.
As a child you just deal with it. As an adult I have moved away from that type of life. I have tried to offer suggestions to help and I have helped, both physically with projects and money where I can.
The day after we returned from our honeymoon I got a call from my Mom that I needed to come to their house. i had not been over there in about three years because she did not want me to see "the mess". What I saw was beyond imange adn lets just say that the rental they were living in had to be gutted and remodeled for it to be livable again, and the situation was their fault. My new husband and I did most of the remodel while they lived with us. They helped where they could. In the end, as we were done, my Dad said "thank you", my Mom, nothing. I also coordinate with a house cleaning service to come give them a bid for services, she said they could not afford it. I offered to pay half, but she said she could not even afford half. This is only one innocence in a lifetime, there have been others.
I did call senior services and they said that they fall in a gray area because they do make money, they are not really a harm to themselves, yet, and that there is nothing they could help me with. I was advised to take care of myself first and then my parents.
Our family - no one knows because my Mom does not want to tell them. My Dad's family we do not see anymore.
This may seem very harsh, but I just don't want to see them anymore. I love them and always will, but they are not people I would want to be friends with and I find it very hard to being around them.
Any advise on what I can do? Resources?