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sondra Asked May 2011

How long did it take your family member to get acclimated to assisted living?

It has been 6 months since step mom is in assisted living, she has dementia. She still thinks she is just visiting! How long will this go on?

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF May 2011
My mother-in-law loved it immediately, and my mom took a few weeks, even though my dad was already there. Everyone is different, but most people take time to get adjusted and to make friends. Once they make some friends, they generally like it a lot, even if they don't always admit it.
Also, few people welcome needing others to assist them, and some accept that more gracefully than others. Therefore, you may never get an open admission to "loving it," but if you observe, you'll likely see some adjustment.
Take care and don't accept unearned guilt,
Carol

judy1 May 2011
It took my mother a very long time to get used to the assisted living facility being her permanent home but long before that I could see that she was a much happier person than she had been in years so I really stopped worrying about it.
Sometimes you just have to change the subject and hope they forget what they were talking about....it does work sometimes.....

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sondra May 2011
when you say very long time, how long are you talking about years?

PaulineMaxwel70 May 2011
My sister is adjusting to assisted living pretty well and it is getting better. It is certainly better than the rehab but not quite like the retirement apt YET. I think it will become lots better as she meets more people and interacts with them and when she and the center understand each other- what to expect, what to do, when, who is to help, call when help is needed and for the center to explain things thoroughly and be patient and kind. Also, when a question is asked the center should respond as quickly as possible (hers is rather slow on this part). I have high hopes for her feeling "at home" there. Polly

sondra May 2011
thanks, she keep saying that I "dropped her off there" and she is waiting for me to take her home, she doesn't understand that this is her home, it is on my mind constantly.

ChristinaW May 2011
Hi Sondra,
I moved my Mother last Sunday into a residential care home of alert dementia patients. I was advised by the owner to tell her it was temporary. I did not do that. However, since I need to have several dental surgeries and take three trips out of state next month, I told her she would be staying "at so and so's house". This is true. I cannot tell a lie, but must finesse sometimes:)
Every day this week she has been great: happy to see me and talkative.
I reassured her that I will see her tomorrow, and she said OK. I told her that I can spend more time with her during the day since I am getting sleep now. She said she knows, and that she "feels bad that I am doing so much for her". That was very sweet, and I am thankful for her graciousness amidst the dementia.
Sometimes "Grace" abounds. Day by day. Blessings to you.

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