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J
JRoop Asked December 2010

My parents are in their mid 80's and refuse to leave their home in a remote town in Northern ME. How can I get them to be sensible and realize they need to be in assisted living/nursing home?

He has dementia and she is barely mobile. They basically do nothing all day. He sleeps and she just watches TV. There are hygiene as well and medical care issues. I live three hours away and cannot be there for them. They have a trust set up for a nursing home, but not for assisted care.

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Dec 2010
Often, people like your parents will listen to an old friend, their doctor or their spiritual leader, before they will listen to family members, especially their children. You may want to see if anyone can talk to them about this.
Likely, they are afraid. Change is hard. They aren't happy, but they don't want to make changes. That's not unusual even for healthier, younger people.
If there are really serious issues, you can see if the local social service people can check on them.

Unfortunately, sometimes there's nothing that can be done until someone has a bad fall or a serious health crisis. This is hard to accept, I know. Try to find a third party person they will listen to, and let them know you will help them resettle. But don't be surprised if they still refuse. Unless they are court-determined incompetent, they have the right to decide.

Good luck with this,
Carol

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