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dkuchling Asked February 2010

How do know if my mom should move into Assisted Living or a Retirement Community?

Not sure if my mom should move into a senior housing or a community like Glen Meadows which is senior housing and assisted living if needed.mom is 75 years old, had 2 strokes, hypertension, diabetic, triple bypass surgery. She can take care of herself for now, she has limited assests, her money would go fast in Glen meadows, but they would never kick her out no matter what her funds are. However she would go into a benevelent fund, and they would take all her social securtity and leave her with only $60 per month. At the senior housing there is no assistance, but there are elevators, library, and beauty shop on site. The rent is by your income, which means my mother's would be low. I would not touch her assests. But I am worried that if she has another stroke and needs more care that her assests would not cover it, because her entrance costs and monthy fees would be higher than they are now that she is more independent. I don't know which to choose, where she is now, there are steps and she can't continue to live there. Please help me make this decision. Thank you

dkuchling Feb 2010
Thank you so much for the input from your experience. This will help me make a decision. I do worry about Mom having another stroke and going to another level of assistance. My concern was that mom would run out of money before she actually needed assisted care.

anne123 Feb 2010
Hi Dkuchling, I have been through a similar situation with my parents. My mother is now deceased and my Dad is 86 and living in a place like Glen Meadows. From my experience (and this is only my opinion), I think it would be the best idea for all concerned to have your mother move into a place like Glen Meadows ( rather than the senior housing ), because it would give your Mom a "secure" place she can be for the rest of her life, with guaranteed care no matter what happens to her. It is crucial for the parent to get into a "Glen Meadows" type place BEFORE he or she becomes incapacitated. Because, as you say, if the parent is disabled or in a wheelchair, then it costs more to get in, if they can get in at all. I think of it like getting the parent under "the umbrella" of care while the parent is still independent. You mention about the Social Security and being given only 60 dollars a month, but this still may be the best solution because of the security the Glen Meadows option would bring. Are there other places which have a "better deal" than Glen Meadows? The other caregivers on this site may have a different perspective and some other ideas/advice. The people here are experienced and have been through all kinds of stuff, some much tougher than others. This is just my take on it. You are smart to come here and ask the other caregivers for advice. I wish I had found this site years ago. I've been through some trying times, and I feel passionate now about offering help to my peers ( like you) who are perhaps younger than I am and are going through stuff that I was going through ten years ago. My husband and I just kind of muddled through it and went by the seat of our pants. Getting Dad to give up the car keys, getting my parents to discuss end-of-life issues, getting them to move out of the home and into a senior community----so many things to consider and help our parents with during this season of their lives. And then there are the people who care for their elderly parent in their home---God bless them---There is a special reward waiting for them in Heaven some day, I'm sure.
I want to add that a situation with an elderly parent can change literally in an instant. Today they are independent and strong, and tomorrow they're in a health crisis. I feel it is important to act (set the scene to be prepared to care for them, or move them into a secure senior community) before they fall, have a stroke, heart attack, etc. Once people are up into those years, something is bound to happen, and eventually it will. I wish you good luck, dkuchling.

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