How do you start a conversation with your parent about moving to Assisted Living?

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Gradually, if possible. If you know of any centers where your elder has connections, that can help. A third party is always good - do you know someone who lives in an area center and loves it? Or, would your person's faith community leader has some influence in letting that person know that AL can be very good for safety, but also wonderful for social connections.

Much depends on the person. Some look at the money and that turns them off, but if you can show them the expenses they are really paying where they live (including food, etc)
you may be able to make a case.

Change is hard, so try to be patient. See if you can take this person to tour different kinds of centers.

Good luck. It's rarely easy.
Carol
singing telegram

na na na NA
look - ey here mom , yer ocd .
want everything perfect , but leave it to me .
the perfect world , for you awaits ---
right across town , at clapboard esTATEEESS ..
I am currently caregiver for my 90 y.o. parent. They live in their own home still, but I anticipate they'll need to move eventually--I am keeping careful watch.
My biggest concern with my parent is the financial aspect; it is all too easy for everyone to just jump to the conclusion that Assisted Living is The Solution. But the fact is that most seniors, I suspect a good majority of seniors, just cannot afford an ALF.
Do your own homework, but remember, there are a lot of things that your parent will need to pay for besides their ALF "rent". My parent had at least $10,000 of expenses that would need to be included in their budget, besides the $48,000 of rent. Also check the rate of increase in ALF--one website I checked has 5% increase in costs.
Does your parent have LTC insurance, and, does it cover ALF? my parent has a very very small policy, it only covers $20 per day, which is something, but it is far from covering the actual cost.
Your parent may do better with in-home care, at least for awhile, to conserve their funds, and only your parent or their financial person can tell---but DO count the costs of ALF rent (expect it to rise 5%) **plus** there will need to be a good amount of other expenses per year.
Can your parent afford it, for the rest of their lives, and can they also afford increased costs if they need to move to memory care or skilled nursing care? What if they have a medical event which requires hospitalization (your ALF will require you to pay rent even while they are absent from their room). Don't just add up the rent for the next 10 years....there will be many other expenses.
I would like to know the reason the parent may need assisted living. Do they have dementia that is putting their safety at risk or do they have mobility and physical ailments that make it concerning for them to live by themselves?

If it's dementia, it's more difficult. If it's mobility or health, one option is to talk about them being able to get some physical therapy right on site, meals prepared, medication administered, etc. And if dementia isn't an issue, they may just go for a trial run and see how they like it for a couple of months.

I have found that even my cousin who was very secluded at home and loved it, is crazy about the friends and social events at the ALF she is residing. She talks about how many good friends she has there. They support each other and enjoy the live singing groups, card games, and parties. I see personally how they have such a community spirit there. For anyone who used to be social, but can't anymore due to mobility issues, a vibrant ALF might be just what they want.

If it is dementia, then you might explain they need some help due to their memory problems and that they can stay there while all the tests and doctor appointments are going on. Just leave it open ended. No need to say you need to live there forever due to your dementia. And then once they are there, they will usually stop talking of leaving as the disease progresses.
It's much more difficult to make nursing home decisions for a wife than a parent (how to discus it and when to do it)
YonThis is Leakey should have mentioned my has been assessed level 4 secure with Alzheimer's she wanders a lot at night but still knows. Everyone but it's 24-7 for me as I do not get much sleep. Thanks for commrent.

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