I filled out DNR for my mom and with doctor. When it is time for this decision, make sure you fully understand all questions and answers or "checks" you mark. And if you have any question about any of the form, ask again for explanation. I think they can be revised or redone as you go on if you have POA for Health.

Some deaths do not come as calmly or peacefully as you want them to. A new hospice nurse to me was on night shift. She didn't know me. She didn't know my mom. She didn't know, and she should not have been there. She shuffled out as fast as she came in, saying I didn't need her that night. Mom was fine. Give her a morphine pill every hour if she is uncomfortable. Yup, crush the pill, and rub it in her cheeks. Didn't tell me to dilute it with water. Didn't tell me to give her ativan to help her ease brain away from her body. She didn't tell me any of that. Later that night early morning, I got an angel on phone. He started off saying he was off duty at 8 am, but he will come over until then. He came by and showed me how to dilute the morphine pills into a paste to disolve better in the mouth. He asked for Ativan, which helps ease the brain from the pain. Didn't know the hospice "care" package had both. When 8 was getting close by, I told him thank you, and I'll be able to handle it. He stayed. He is an angel. He got her comfortable and more at peace. .. I picked up my brother from his hotel, and that morning she passed away.

A few weeks later when I was able to talk with my hospice team (wonderful ladies we have had for a long time), I asked why mom didn't have IV Morphine. Another lady down the hall had IV morphine, but she had a different hospice company... I am still not clear as to the real reason. They said something to the effect that some people OD on morphine. But isn't this what it is supposed to do when death is knocking on the door? Its' better in conjunction with ativan. Now I am wondering if I ordered comfort measures only, no IV's....A morphine and Ativan IV drip would have been more peaceful from my observance of the other resident in the facility.

So, check your DNR FORM and make sure you have everything marked as you wish.

If this happens to you, make copies, tape it on the wall above your loved one's bed along with another paper with your name and phone numbers in big black sharpie pen, and any other pertinent names and numbers just in case the fire department comes and you are not there. This DNR has to be visible. take a copy of it and put it in your glove compartment, and take a snap shot of it onto your cell phone. Anyway, I am learning. too late, but I am learning. God I miss her.

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Thanks for those tips. I'm going to double check everything.

I’m sorry for your loss.
It sounds like you did all you could do. I’m glad your angel came and your brother was there. Thanks for the tips.

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