My dh died last night shortly after 9:00. He went into the hospital on Sunday 9/8 with congestive heart failure, his kidneys failed, and he chose to not have dialysis and to come home on hospice care Thursday. Things did not go well here at home (those who remember my past posts will know that he was extremely controlling, among other things) and after a fall, we decided we could not provide him the level of care he needed and he was placed in a local hospice house on Monday.
He went from being totally alert Monday to barely communicative on Tuesday evening when he told everyone he loved them. From that point on, he just slept. I'm sure some of that was due to morphine and ativan. He passed last night right after I said goodnight to him and left the hospice house. He was probably waiting for me to go. My son, who lives with us, was the last one to be with him and he watched his father die, counting the breaths until there were no more.
I always said I hoped his heart would take him before his dementia became too bad. In a way, I got my wish, I just never expected his kidneys to go (which was because of his heart).
It has been a long journey with him and I am at peace that it is over. It is a strange place to be -- grieving for what could have been / should have been but never was, while at the same time feeling the grief of an emptiness in the house and realizing that it is time to readjust my thinking and move forward.
Moving dh to the hospice house was the best thing we could have done. They gave excellent care to him and to us and we are extremely grateful.
Prayers and thoughts are with you.
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We were married for a long time. I still miss him every day.
My husband passed away in an inpatient hospice. He had excellent care and I was able to just be his wife and not his caregiver.
This site is a wonderful place to vent and get advice from people in the same situation. Wishing you and your family God's peace.
My daughter wrote: "Lots of people have good memories of Dad. We have a lot to process as a family. But I am grateful the good things and the good memories. It doesn't negate the other stuff, but I can at least acknowledge both. It is the tension of reality."
Take time to grieve and heal, you are now on your own timeline.
Be exhausted. Feel your ambivalent feelings. Take time and space to adjust to the new.
I'm so glad that you had such great support as your journey with your husband came to an end.
Among other benefits you bring to this forum, sharing how you came to the decision to seek help from the hospice house is an example to those here who are at the end of their caregiving rope. Bringing others alongside you is most honoring to your husband, in your case. He got the best care, possible, and you were able to rest and be available to be his wife, not his nurse.
I agree with Alva. You have shared yourself and your struggles here on the forum. If possible, keep coming back and share your wisdom with others in challenging situations.
Sending hugs, and thanksgiving to God for letting your husband pass before the dementia got worse.
Praying for your comfort and peace.
My condolonces for your loss.
Thank God for hospice...they are true angels.
At least he had a quiet, peaceful death. You did the right thing.
Loosing a spouse is hard, I have done it and survived.
I know you can too.
Love, respect and prayers to you.
Again, my condolences. Geez he was LUCKY TO HAVE YOU. Sorry. But that's what truly I feel. I know you mourn his loss, but to me, I can only think how lucky he was to have had YOU.
i am so sorry for your loss and important you rest and take care of you on this next journey 🩷🥲 xx your gave strength to dh to help him rest and relax and this will have given him such comfort to his final passing x please take some rest and make sure you eat and stay hydrated over the coming days. Remember you did everything right to the end and your son will hold this in his heart too, forever x rest now and stay strong, sending lots of (hugs) and please take care xx 🙏
I am so glad your husband's last days were spent in gentle care with his family by his side.
Your words will be very comforting to others on the forum who are unsure about end of life decisions.
One journey over, another begins.
((hugs))
Sorry for your loss.
But I am glad you are at peace as you had difficult journey as caregiver.
You had excellent plans for your future and I hope all is going to go well.
Find joy in restarting your life.
I'm sure you'll go through a wide range of emotions over the next many months, as one journey has ended and another has just begun.
But know this....you're going to be ok.
May God give you His peace, comfort and strength in the days, weeks and months ahead.
Praise Jesus that he did not suffer and cause you heartache. That is truly a blessing.
Take care of you extra special starting today.