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eat-pray-love Posted December 2022

Now that my Mom has passed, I'd like to remain on this forum. I feel such a sense of comradery/kinship with many of you.

Feeling good this minute. Slept a good stretch of 5 hrs. Shocking. Hasn't happened in a year or so. Caught an hour and a half, then up, then back asleep. Pressure on my chest seems to have lifted?! 5 days since my Mom passed. 5 days of plethora of emotions. Will miss the good, but not the negativity/criticism. I am free to move forward thru the days supporting my Kids best I can with love & light. I thank God + Universe for this better sleep, last night. I need protection during these times.


Have to largely purge/organize my Parents' home, solo. Some good help but mostly on me to sort. I am fine with this. Gives me something to do. Surely will have emotional moments, but maybe will help toward healing moving forward. Who knows.


Sweet "AlvaDeer" wrote that I could stay on the forum. Loved that. I enjoy reading so many posts & still feel I want to extend <3 & encouragement... And I will appreciate comments should I post re: the months ahead... You know I will ;-)


I tell you; so many of you are Angels & selfless. I did so much but many more are in the thick of it, the trenches.


Happy New Year! You are in my thoughts & prayers.

ArtistDaughter Jan 2023
Sorry for you loss. I'm staying. Mom passed over a year ago. This forum still helps me.

BurntCaregiver Jan 2023
I'm so sorry for your loss and of course you can stay on the forum. This is also a support group for people who are and were caregivers. You have a wealth of caregiving experience to offer and people need that. I have personally benefitted from your advice more than a few times. I know you're a kind person too. Sometimes a kind word is all a person needs and you always have plenty of them.
I'm grateful that you're staying and still want to give understanding, encouragement, advice and plain, simple friendship to a caregiver in pain who needs to vent and talk about it.
E-P-L, I'm grateful to have come across your post today. I didn't see it before. I needed to know that someone understands what we go through and cares. That they always have a kind word or a message of support.
Yesterday my abusive, narcissistic mother was able to crush me with her bullying. That hasn't happened in a long time, but she was successful yesterday. I was up all night in tears because of her and there was no one here for me. I saw your post here this morning.
Thank-you for being here for all of us. We are here for you too.

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Geaton777 Jan 2023
You are a veteran/survivor... your input is important. Nothing trumps first-hand experience and being an actual example to others in the thick of battle/despair that there is light at the end of the tunnel and, therefore, hope and recovery. Please continue to post here!

Lovemom1941 Jan 2023
IMHO, you have a lot of valuable information to share and caregivers will benefit from your staying on the forum.

graygrammie Jan 2023
You will have just the right words that someone else needs to hear in the future, just like folks had the right words for you. Thank you for deciding to stay.

OncehatedDIL Jan 2023
You should stay, I know I wish I had remained active after my inlaws passed away. This is the best resource available for elderly issues, caregiving and friendships. I "had to leave" as my son was diagnosed with an MI just months after my MIL passed away. I was immersed in that world and now the MI world and the caregiving world have combined.

I love that you are feeling good and looking forward to light moments - it does remind me that there really is life after caregiving.

MountainMoose Jan 2023
So relieved for you that you're recovering, Eat-Pray-Love!

My mom died in 2018 when I was her live-caregiver for 13 months and was her financial POA before that. Things were so horrific for so many reasons. I was so alone. Then I found this forum and I have no doubt the people here saved my life.

Because of that I think I have of experience and perspective that might help someone else who's struggling. I'll wager you can contribute greatly on this forum. *big hug*

NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2023
Please stay! If you want to take a break from the forum now and then, do so and return when you feel like it.

I am sure that your experience will be valuable to those who are still in the throes of caregiving.

Isthisrealyreal Jan 2023
EPl, everyone has expressed my thoughts exactly.

pamzimmrrt Jan 2023
EPL Please remain. My last parent passed 2 years ago, and I am still here also. I feel I can still offer advice and care, and that means alot to me and hopefully to those I help. And like others have said, I have made "friends " here that I care about

cxmoody Jan 2023
Please stay.

As you know, many of us came here desperate and wondering just what was going to happen to our sanity.

We reached out, and the generous support we received made us able to breathe again.

We wondered what in the heck was going on with our Loved Ones, and the precious angels here helped us to recognize what was happening.

Your experiences will surely help newcomers, and the rest of us who are still walking this road.

JoAnn29 Jan 2023
My Mom passed in 2017. I was a member before that. I felt I could still offer help and share my experiences, so I chose to stay. I formally worked as a Secretary for our local Visiting Nurses. Part of my job was making sure I kept up on the County resources and their publications. I have helped a disabled nephew get his SSD and use of other resources. My Mom, I applied for Medicaid.

So sorry for your loss and I went thru pretty much the same feelings you have. That first good nights sleep with no worries of being either woke up by Mom or later a phone call from the facility telling me she fell out of bed at 3am was so nice. And that weight lifting from my body. My Mom was easy to care for it was just having to be there all the time for one person. Being their every thing. Yes, I too had to clean out a 4 bedroom old farmhouse and its out building. I did better on my own with some help from DH. Most of it went to a thrift shop or Church yardsales or trashed. The selling was an Albatross around my neck. It finally sold because the buyer wanted the 7 acres. The old house is gone. Finalizing probate was done by a lawyer as was the accting. Mom only had the house. That also was a big relief when it was when it finally sold.

As you see, there are alot of us where the caring is over for us.

Anabanana Dec 2022
Condolences to you and your family. I hope the good memories will soon squeeze out the difficult ones.

By all means stay, and use your experiences to help others.

Daughterof1930 Dec 2022
I’m one who’s stuck around since losing my last parent. Still a caregiver for my adult son, but don’t fit the aging care category anymore. Hopefully, those of us who’ve stayed after loss have something to offer the ones still in the midst of caregiving, at least I believe we do. I’m glad you’ll stay, your viewpoint and experience is valuable and needed. Wishing you healing and peace as you move forward from loss

freqflyer Dec 2022
I am so glad so many writers are continuing to stay with AgingCare, to help give advice to the newbies who are just starting out or who are overwhelmed with their caregiving.

For myself, my parents passed 5-6 years ago, my gosh it feels only like last year or so. I know more people here from my generation than I do in person :)

lealonnie1 Dec 2022
My dad died in 2015, my mom in February of this year, and I'm still here, not planning to go anywhere. When we share ourselves and our experiences with one another is when we thrive, imo. We've made friends here, too, and what better place to stick around for support? Please DO stay and share yourself with us here on the forum.

I'm glad you are sleeping better and feeling a bit lighter in general. I had SO much stress before my mother died in February, that the main emotion I felt when she did pass was relief. For her that she was out of pain & suffering, and for myself and my DH that our 10+ years of watching my parents decline had come to an end. They're both at perfect peace now, and we're free to live our retirement years in peace as well, thank God.

Wishing you peace and healing as time goes by, dear Susan.

oldageisnotfun Dec 2022
The pictures in our mind (memories), of the good times with loved ones will always be there. I ditto your sentiments of the forum.

Love & Peace.

oldageisnotfun Dec 2022
Bless you Midkid58.

I think I wrote you recently too. I'm hoping you find more inner peace in the coming days, years.

It's still all very recent. I think of many people in need through the year, regardless of it's the turn of a New Year. So you and eat-pray-love are included in this.

Love & Peace.

oldageisnotfun Dec 2022
Eat-Pray-Love, sorry to hear the news of your mom. (((hugs)))

I remember when I father passed, took me a long time. I coped pretty much alone, at the time, I didn't know about forum's, didn't even think of using something online, plus on top of this, I had to contend with terrible behavior from a sibling on top of the sadness.

I ditto your good sentiments about this forum. I hope you can continue to use this forum for support and help as needed through the coming days, month & years. I know even sharing your experiences as you go through your mom's personal things will help someone else.

Really pleased you had the courage to post soon after your mom passing. If I see more posts of how your are getting on. I'll be sure to reply.

I imagine there will be various emotions brought on by various memories. Bless you, wish you peace in coming days, months...

Midkid58 Dec 2022
Please do stay!

My mom died on Aug. 28th. It was a kind of difficult Christmas, but I am sleeping better (even though I didn't get midnight panic calls)..just the stress of always being a little on edge was constant.

I'm feeling better, most days, then I will have a bad day and I feel like it's a 3 steps forward 2 steps back kind of healing.

BarbBrooklyn Dec 2022
EPL, my mom died back in 2017. There are a lot of here who are "paying back" the excellent advice we got here.

Good thoughts to you.

cwillie Dec 2022
It's very early days yet for you 🤗
My mom died back in 2018, I think that there is still a place here for those of us who have wisdom to share from having "been there, done that".

AlvaDeer Dec 2022
Oh, please do stay. My brother has been gone now 2 1/2 years. I think it does him honor if I can think of, remember anything I learned from the moment I took on being his Trustee and POA. I was paralyzed with fear, so anxious I was sometimes frozen, literally like the deer in the headlights. I got help here. My brother entered his diagnosis of probable early Lewy's dementia with such grace, with curiosity and discussion and we talked of so many things; he was, as he always had been, my great teacher. If I can pass on anything that could help another it makes me happy and I still feel welcome as a member of community trying to help others. Please stay. You have learned more than you can ever guess. Please stay.

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