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canonlylaugh Posted October 2020

Mom fell, again. Little bit of a rant...

Luckily she wasn't injured. Naturally it happened in the bathroom in the middle of the night. We've tried to avoid this situation by giving her a commode in a convenient place to use during the night. Evidently she's not using it. In addition, the paramedics couldn't get in (med-alert bracelet) so he had to come in through the bathroom window. My dad couldn't get in the bathroom door because she was propped up against it. When I found out the next day, I tried to convince my dad to take the bathroom door off and put up a curtain instead since it's not the first time she's fallen or gotten stuck in the bathroom (it small, and she uses a walker). He didn't like that idea but after much discussion he finally want for it but insisted we leave the door on as an option. Since my mother has dementia, she will continue to shut it. I also put a key outside and let the ambulance company know. Neither of them really think this all is a big deal. It's frustrating so I made a dr. appt for her next week, I'm going to ask the doctor to do a full workup and diagnose for strokes, dementia and other brain-type problems. This kind of thing has started to happen about once a month with either of them, some issue or other. The suspense is really a drag and the fact that I have to argue with them to straighten things out afterward is really no fun. It's draining. I'm in my 40's so I don't have any friends that have gone through this so they really can't relate to what I'm talking about.

canonlylaugh Oct 2020
Luckily my dad has been proactive about POA's wills, etc. He's got the paperwork down. It's the day to day stuff they don't or can't deal with. He is slowly becoming more aware, I think my "talks" with him might be having an effect a little. "hey dad, do you realize that she has some serious dementia, right?" "well...I guess..."
I will certainly post updates after next weeks appt., thanks for your responses.

BarbBrooklyn Oct 2020
For your dad: I have a friend whose husband had grand mal epilepsy. He got up to go to the bathroom (shut the door) had a seizure and ended up lying against the door so the EMTs could not access him. This was in a 5th floor NYC apartment building, so there was no going in through a window.

He died.

If your parents want to be "independent" they need to make accomodations to their status as elders with health issues. They cannot and SHOULD not foist their charade of independence on the shoulders of their adult children who are trying to make a living.

When my mother's "emergencies" became too many and too arduous to handle I told her I couldn't do all this running around anymore, that she needed to move someplace safer. She fussed, but she listened, eventually.

She raised me, so she knew that I was capable of just walking away if she wasn't going to compromise and cooperate.

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AlvaDeer Oct 2020
So awfully sorry all of this is ending on your plate. You see the writing on the wall, and can predict where all this is headed. You have your appointment and I am glad of that. Seems you are doing everything that you can. Do you have paperwork done as far as Medical POA and Advanced Directives, DPOA if needed? Do they have their own things in order and you know where to find? Wills and Safe Boxes and so on? So sorry. This is just a daily worry for you. Hope you'll update on Mom's physical.

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