Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
A
anonymous978422 Posted November 2019

Need to vent; at a loss. My (86) grandma has dementia and was dx with it about 4 years ago.

She’s always been very strong willed, hardheaded, sassy little spit fire that never mixed her words. You always knew where she stood. The support & backbone of our family. Her love, dedication and protection of her children and grandchildren was fierce to say the least. I’ve ALWAYS, had a special place in her heart. She’s always defended me and stood beside me.


Now, her words have turned into daggers. She has more bad days than good. My grandpa is living in pure hell. He’s a wonderful man, who has always been deeply in love with his bride. I can’t even explain how pure hearted this man truly is. My grandma is verbally abusive to him on daily basis now. Actually, to anyone in her path. I tried to ignore it, I tried to redirect it. I’ve tried explaining it off to other family members, that she doesn’t know what she’s doing or saying. Honestly, I’m not so sure! Her behavior is baffling to me. She tells everyone that comes in contact with her, that my grandpa is cheating on her, sneaking women into the house. There is never a moment she’s not with him. She hides can goods in the closet at night. She flies off the handle and flips out on anyone. Even willing to push her children out of her life. (So not her) I can’t handle the aggression and belittling and the foul language. I’ve quit going around or calling as much. My aunt suggested they sell their home and move into an assisted living home. My grandma flipped out, called me crying, pleading that she needed me badly, that they were gonna lock her up. (My heart 💔). The next morning she went to her doctor, who told her she was fine and nobody could lock her up without his signature. That she gets around better than anyone he knows at her age. Yesterday, she called me ANGRY, with words that can cut. She started telling me that she knew the reason I wasn’t coming around, my daddy has told me not too. (Crazy) I lovingly, softly tried to explain, that just was not the case. She told me I was lying and she could care less if he ever came back over there! (Wow) Said some other ugly things and hung up on me.


She doesn’t know she needs help and my grandpa won’t dare go against her wishes.


Sorry, for being so wordy, actually felt good to get at least some of it out. Thank you, for taking time to read. Pray for her and us. Hope my family survives intact. 

anonymous978422 Nov 2019
Thank you all for your words of wisdom.
To be honest, I hope that she does end up in the ER, so that we can get her the help she needs and deserves.
(nothing serious)
Something has to give.
How can a elderly demented person, remember a phone number or where to find the phone number? How can she still be cooking full meals? Keeping their clothes washed up. Its just baffling to me.

lealonnie1 Nov 2019
Well, unfortunately, something will happen to necessitate your grandma taking a trip to the ER one of these days; ie: a fall, an infection, pneumonia, etc. At that time, the doctor can be spoken to about the concerns you all have as a family about her decline in dementia and behaviors, etc. Sometimes it takes a crisis in order for a problem to be addressed with a loved one. Especially a stubborn, old, demented loved one. Sad but true.
Best of luck & bravo to you for being such a loving granddaughter.

ADVERTISEMENT


Geaton777 Nov 2019
Your grampa has chosen what his daily life looks like until he can bare it no more. Not sure how long this decline has been going on but he needs time to come to grips with what is going on with his wife and that she won't be getting better. Very sad, very difficult. Hopefully your grampa has their legal ducks in a row (durable PoA, Medical Directives, HIPAA releases, wills, etc). It is painful to stand by helplessly and watch the train wreck in slo-mo. If he is interested, he can accompany her to her next doc appt and discretely hand the staff a note requesting a UTI test and cognitive exam. There may be meds that can help take the edge off her behavior. True, grampa can't force gramma to take any meds but he's in the best position to try to get them into her. I like BarbBrooklyn's suggestion of putting it in her food. I feel for your family. Peace to you.

BarbBrooklyn Nov 2019
Grandpa may need to call the doctor and talk outside of grandma's hearing. He could also write down what is going on and hand the note to the doctor at the appointment.

Some meds can be crushed and given in pudding or applesauce.

Does grandpa understand that this is dementia taking over?

anonymous978422 Nov 2019
She won’t take them. My grandpa won’t dare speak at her doctor’s appointments.
We’ve tried telling him that he’s going to have to. I think he’s worried about the backlash. Plus, I think he feels he can handle it.
Something has to give.
Thank you for your reply.

BarbBrooklyn Nov 2019
Grandma is having delusions. These are often part of dementia.

Is grandpa in touch with her doctor? There are meds that can help.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter