My Dad is 87 yrs old and has dementia. My mother is trying to take care of him but she is 84 herself.

Don't be too surprised if you call the VA and they are NOT aware of this benefit!! (Scary but true).

Do a google search for the website for
The Veteran Aid Organization and it should list an ORG website that will tell you how to proceed!

Thanks MiaMadre,
I didn't even think of that. He is a WWII veteran. I'm calling now.

e995...sounds like you are close enough. Step up to bat to help your parents in a big way. Big. Way.

Also.. if your father was a veteran, he will most likely qualify for AID AND ATTENDANCE if he meets the guidelines.

the VETERANS AID organization has guidelines for this resource.

Anybody can go into adult day care if they are not combative , BUT, it costs you. You need to talk to THEIR boss, whoever you talked to at the health department, you were given the brush off it sounds like. Me? I would have never left the office until I had answers THAT day. Your Mom being 84 and trying to attend to her husband's needs is just asking for health problems. There are programs like, meals on wheels, maid services, which both you have to pay for, and would be a great help to her. BUT, if you think your Dad needs to go into a nursing home, then you really need to investigate a number of them, lawsuits, if they are understaffed, etc. Check their records and don't be shy about it. Ask to talk to the director of the nursing home and get the information you need. Also go online to check the places out. If you do decide to place him, to get financial help from Medicaid would kick in if your Mom and Dad's income falls below a certain dollar amount, in Illinois, I believe it's 22,000 dollars a year. If it is below your State's dollar amount, Medicaid will pick up most of the nursing home care and your Mother will still be able to collect both of their pension to keep the home running and for her needs. She will have to pay the remainder of the monthly care, whatever Medicaid will not cover. And it isn't very much at all.
I hope this helps.

I tried that. They are extremely nasty people. I even went to the town council about it to no avail. When my dad was in the hospital recently I went to the social worker and she couldn't help me either. Medicare gave him 6 weeks of therapy. That's it! Any other suggestions?

Call your local Health Department, they will send out a Social worker to talk with you and them about different services that are available to the elderly.