Talking about your parents' health means sharing information about how they feel physically, emotionally, and mentally. Knowing how to describe symptoms and bring up other concerns will help you become a partner in your parents' health care.
Communicate Symptoms
A symptom is evidence of a disease or disorder in the body. Examples of symptoms include pain, fever, a lump or bump, unexplained weight loss or gain, or having a hard time sleeping.
Be clear and concise when describing your symptoms. Your description helps the doctor identify the problem. A physical exam and medical tests provide valuable information, but it is your symptoms that point the doctor in the right direction.
Questions to ask your parents about their symptoms:
- What exactly are your symptoms?
- Are the symptoms constant? If not, when do you experience them?
- Does anything you do make the symptoms better? Or worse?
- Do the symptoms affect your daily activities? Which ones? How?
Your doctor will ask when your symptoms started, what time of day they happen, how long they last (seconds? days?), how often they occur, if they seem to be getting worse or better, and if they keep you from going out or doing your usual activities.
Take the time to make some notes about symptoms before you call or visit the doctor.
Give Information About Medications
It is possible for medicines to interact causing unpleasant and sometimes dangerous side effects. Your doctor needs to know about ALL of the medicines your parent takes, including over-the-counter (nonprescription) drugs and herbal remedies or supplements, so bring everything with you to your visit—don't forget about eye drops, vitamins, and laxatives. Tell the doctor how often your parent takes each. Describe any drug allergies or reactions your parent has had. Be sure your doctor has the phone number of the pharmacy you use.
Describe Daily Habits
To provide the best care, your doctor must understand your parent as a person and know what their life is like. The doctor may ask about where they live, what they eat, how they sleep, what you they each day, what activities they enjoy, and if they smoke or drink. Be open and honest with your doctor. It will help him or her to understand your parents' medical conditions fully and recommend the best treatment choices.
Voice Other Concerns
Your doctor may ask you how your parents' life is going. This isn't being impolite or nosy. Information about what's happening in your parents' life may be useful medically. Let the doctor know about any major changes or stresses, such as a divorce or the death of a loved one.
You don't have to go into detail; you may want to say something like: "It might be helpful for you to know that my mother's husband passed away since our last visit with you." or "My mother recently had to sell her home and move in with me."
Be honest. It is tempting to say what you think the doctor wants to hear: for example, that your parent smokes less or eats a more balanced diet than they really do. While this is natural, it's not in your parents' best interest. Your doctor can suggest the best treatment only if you say what is really going on.
Decide what questions are most important. Pick three or four questions or concerns that you most want to talk about with the doctor. You can tell him or her what they are at the beginning of the appointment, and then discuss each in turn. If you have time, you can then go on to other questions.
Stick to the point. Although your doctor might like to talk with you at length, each patient is given a limited amount of time. To make the best use of your time, stick to the point. For instance, give the doctor a brief description of the symptom, when it started, how often it happens, and if it is getting worse or better.
Share your point of view about the visit.Tell the doctor if you feel rushed, worried, or uncomfortable. If necessary, you can offer to return for a second visit to discuss your concerns. Try to voice your feelings in a positive way. For example, you could say something like: "I know you have many patients to see, but I'm really worried about this. I'd feel much better if we could talk about it a little more."
Remember, the doctor may not be able to answer all your questions. Even the best doctor may be unable to answer some questions. Most doctors will tell you when they don't have answers. They also may help you find the information you need or refer you to a specialist. If a doctor regularly brushes off your questions or symptoms as simply a part of aging, think about looking for another doctor.
What Caregivers Should Ask Their Aging Mom or Dad's Doctor
Asking questions is key to good communication with your doctor. If you don't ask questions, he or she may assume you already know the answer or that you don't want more information. Don't wait for the doctor to raise a specific question or subject because he or she may not know it's important to you. Be proactive. Ask questions when you don't know the meaning of a word (like aneurysm, hypertension, or infarct) or when prescription instructions are unclear (for example, does taking medicine with food mean before, during, or after a meal?).
Learn about medical tests. Sometimes doctors need to do blood tests, x rays, or other procedures to find out what is wrong or to learn more about your medical condition. Some tests, such as Pap smears, mammograms, glaucoma tests, and screenings for prostate cancer and colorectal cancer, are done regularly to check for hidden medical problems.
Before having a medical test, ask your doctor to explain why it is important, what it will show, and what it will cost. Ask what kind of things you need to do to prepare for the test. For example, you may need to have an empty stomach, or you may have to provide a urine sample. Ask how you will be notified of the test results and how long they will take to come in.
Questions to ask about medical tests:
- Why is the test being done?
- What steps does the test involve? How should I get mom or dad ready?
- Are there any dangers or side effects?
- How will I find out the results? How long will it take to get the results?
- What will we know after the test?
When the results are ready, make sure the doctor tells you what they are and explains what they mean. You may want to ask your doctor for a written copy of the test results. If the test is done by a specialist, ask to have the results sent to your primary doctor.
Discuss your diagnosis and what you can expect. A diagnosis identifies your parents' disease or physical problem. The doctor makes a diagnosis based on the symptoms you are experiencing and the results of the physical exam, laboratory work, and other tests.
If you understand your parents' medical condition, you can help make better decisions about treatment. If you know what to expect, it may be easier for you to deal with the condition.
Ask the doctor to tell you the name of the condition and why he or she thinks your parent has it. Ask how it may affect them and how long it might last. Some medical problems never go away completely. They can't be cured, but they can be treated or managed.
Questions to ask about your diagnosis:
- What may have caused this condition? Will it be permanent?
- How is this condition treated or managed? What will be the long-term effects on my parent's life?
- How can I learn more about this condition?
Making Decisions With Your Parents' Doctor
Giving and getting information are two important steps in talking with your doctor. The third big step is making decisions about your loved one's care.
Ask about different treatments. You will benefit most from a treatment when you know what is happening and what is involved in making decisions. Make sure you understand what the treatment involves and what it will or will not do. Have the doctor give you directions in writing and feel free to ask questions. For example: "What are the pros and cons of having surgery at this stage?" or "Do we have any other choices?" If your doctor suggests a treatment that makes you uncomfortable, ask if there are other treatments that might work. Here are some things to remember when deciding on a treatment:
- Discuss choices. There are different ways to manage many health conditions, especially chronic conditions like high blood pressure and cholesterol. Ask what your options are.
- Discuss risks and benefits. Once you know the options, ask about the pros and cons of each one. Find out what side effects might occur, how long the treatment would continue, and how likely it is that the treatment will work for you.
- Consider your parent's values and circumstances. When thinking about the pros and cons of a treatment, don't forget to consider its impact on your overall life. For instance, will one of the side effects interfere with a regular activity that means a lot to your parent? Is one treatment choice expensive and not covered by insurance? Doctors need to know about these practical matters and can work with you to develop a treatment plan that meets your needs.
The National Institute on Aging (NIA), one of the 27 Institutes and Centers of the National Institute of Health (NIH) leads a broad scientific effort to understand the nature of aging and to extend the healthy, active years of life. In 1974, Congress granted authority to form NIA to provide leadership in aging research, training, health information dissemination, and other programs relevant to aging and older people.