What is the best way to tell your aging parents that they can no longer travel with you?

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Mom is 97 has age related dementia, incontinence & uses a walker

Answers 1 to 9 of 9
If you feel strongly about this and it seems you do you may just have to come out and say it to her-she will not like it probably but if you do not say anything you will just resent her more as time goes by,
The part of her that's still sane surely gets it that incontinence, a walker, and unreliable faculties make it impractical to join you in your travels. And the part that has dementia will forget that you're going without her.
So... is it that you're feeling guilty? Is it really yourself that you have to find a way to tell?
Top Answer
I'm not trying to sound harsh,would you tell your child (if you had one ) that they couldnt come with you on a trip cause they need looking after and are still in diapers?? No, I would think not. So if you truly want her to come with you, adjustments would have to be made, like a wheel chair instead of a walker,so you could push her around instead of wait for her to get around. Extra depends and baby wipes could make the trip so that if there were accidents that it could be taken care of descreetly. Yes if your driving,extra bathroom breaks would be a necessary,however if you left in the evening she would probably sleep on the way. In the end it, it would have to be your choice-ask yourself am I going so that I can have a much needed vacation from her or I would like to have the chance to take a final trip with Mom to make memories that will last me a lifetime. You also must consider that in taking her you would have to make adjustments (just like you would if you took children or pets) Again the final out come is You! Life is what you make of it, When you are given Lemons you make Lemonade!!! Having two grandmas that live with me ages 89 and 80 both related to me,I make a lot of Lemonade!!! Hope this helps, God Bless :)
The truth is, it might not be safe for your parent to travel with you — safe for you, or safe for your mom. But we would probably need to know more about the kind of "travel" you're referring to, and the extent of your mom's dementia, in order to give you a helpful answer. You might not have to "tell" her at all; just don't bring it up.
I saw a poor old man being pushed around the streets of NYC a couple of years ago in a wheelchair. He looked so sick and miserable. It was hot as blue blazes and he was, of course, low to the ground, sweating something terrible. The rest of the family looked upbeat and like they didn't mind, but my heart went out to him.
At some point traveling is hard on a person and you just have to give it up. I don't have an answer for your situation, but I will always remember that old gentleman.
I have to agree with mstexas but of course it depends on the situation of where. We dont travel far anymore, life is on hold I guess you could say. but we do take her weekends with us and she loves it. Yes its a TON of work but she is SO worth it. Best of luck in your decision, it amazing she cares, I say take her too, or stay home, after all she is 97. whoaaaa God Bless her.
Totally agree with Bettie and Mjongsmom, it's all a matter of where,how long and accomodations. Correction on ages of my grandmothers they are 89 and 90. The 90 yr old is ambulatory and able to walk with no assistance-very alert still reads and does have emphysema-there for much to her protest when we have taken her on trips she uses a walker with a seat-that way should she get tired(and has)she welcomes the seat/walker. The other grandma has alzhemiers/dementia-(so I do this for us more for her)-I try to take them both cause they have gotten very use to each others company. It just depends on how long the trip is and if where ever your going is condusive to bringing your parent. So heed the advise we give and then listen to your gut,inner voice what ever you wish to call it. In the end that will NEVER steer you wrong. Lots of Luck :)
If you type in Tips for Traveling with an eldery parent-in your web browser--you will find some good information-as also in this forum-
Traveling with Elderly Parents Can be a Window to the Past, Present
Road trips with older parents can help adult children and sometimes their own kids learn about what shaped their folks, and themselves. Or just help catch up on the present day. https://www.agingcare.com/142135

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