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Going down hill so rapidly now (in NH). Visited today, talked to her but she just kept on sleeping, surfacing occasionally. She's been 100% hallucinations and delusions for some time. She asked me to bring Jason to visit ... her dog, five dogs back, dead for so many years, then she slipped away into sleep again.

We've never been close ... she was the mother from h*ll and I've spent a life time avoiding her but we, children of NPD mothers, are trained from birth to do what the witch says, or else! ... she ruined my whole life one way and another but, in the end I sold my home, quit my career to care for her. Why? Duty, and only duty.

I feel she's about to pass now and I will make arrangements as set out in her will. I don't think I'll visit again .. it does nothing for her and upsets me for 24 hours.

Tonight the sun will set. Come tomorrow it will rise like a ball of fire and continue it's never ending journey, taking us along with it ... it's the circle of life. We do what we have to do, one way or another.

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My husband has been terminally ill, dying for 2 years. Seven hospital stays, four rehab stays, thousands of dollars in 'out of pocket' medical expenses. He's in stage 4 congestive heart failure, diabetic, COPD, lymphodema, 73 yrs old & weighs 400 lbs. He's eligible for hospice, but refuses! He had another high C02 episode because he won't use his BiPap. He was in ICU for 5 days. Now he's in rehab. Minimally able to stand for more than 3 minutes and he's insisting on coming home. I'm exhausted and don't know what to do with him.
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Thank you all for your input and you are all right. This morning I went to a Habitat for Humanity store in the city and bought laminate flooring for my bedroom, then on to a thrift store ... stuffed animal toys for my dogs and a neat little garden statue.. Onward and upward!
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Hi Lynne - I'm with you too. If it is that hard on you, and makes no difference to her, then give yourself a break. I might do the same under your circumstances. Those of us who were subjected to such stress from a parent, pay for it in our health - physical and emotional. If you can spare yourself, I think it is good. You have to have lived this kind of life to understand. You have done so much for your mother - it is time to do for you. (((((hugs)))))
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((((Ashlynne))))
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Ashlynne, I may be so out of place for saying this... please just understand I am not judging ok? You really have given up so much.... your home your career, even though you are the daughter of a NPD parent, you really outdid yourself. Now, pay no attention if you wish, I'm a tenderhearted everyone deserves a chance pussy sort of woman from way back... it is who I am.... what I see and remember from your posts of long ago... hey, you are just a person doing your best, right? You have never been a hateful or spiteful daughter, just one that was doing what they had to do.... oh Lord, once again out of my place but you have so much inside your heart....so, you have my permission for giving me a lashing but.... go ahead visit your mom before she passes, sounds like it won't be long, if she's sleeping so much, take the time to tell her everything and get it off of YOUR chest. Hey....tell her if given the chance you'd of loved her like no other.... after she's dead, she's dead. Nothing really changes...just they are no longer here and we still get to deal with everything.

Give YOU a giant hug.... when all is said and done you need to walk away a happy person who knows they did their very best even if the one they cared for just wasn't able to.

Big Hugs Ash... I do hope your upcoming journey provides you with the peace and comfort that's needed, you deserve much happiness in your life.

Jeanette
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I'm with you. When mthr (missing something inside) finally passes, I will be very relieved to have that chapter closed. I have signed her up for body donation, with the option to use for ballistics checked. She won't be needing that body and she wanted to advance science. I do not plan to view the body before it is removed, and I don't want the ashes back.

You are normal - you have suffered enough. Go take care of yourself for a change.
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