My mother who has dementia and sundowners asks one question everyday non-stop. Same time everyday. We need help!!!!

You and your brother are taking care of your mother, in the same place where she grew up? Repetitive questions equate to stress/anxiety. Asking that same question over and over again is equivalent to an Aspie rocking back and forth and/or spinning, What is triggering her to feel stress/anxiety? What is causing her to feel unsafe? It sounds to be a bit more than Sundowning.

To where is she asking to return? Give her a purposeful repetitive task from her generational habits that will occupy her hands. Folding laundry is stereotypical, yet very calming, especially if the basket is filled with never ending clothing.
(tip: bring onto her unfolded laundry from the entire household). If she hated folding laundry, then find something that she liked to do. Something that might stop the loop is rephrasing her repetition as a question to her and asks why she wants to go.

You sound as if you are enduring water torture, yet you know that every day when and what will happen. similar to a toddler asking why, why, why? Anticipating it as aa normal everyday occurrance will require some discipline, and patience; how do most mothers or daycare workers cope with crying all day? They adapt their thinking.

Caregiving is difficult, Hugs.
When Dementia minds are calm the world is a happier place.

I agree with other post from Plum and that your Mom is searching for a place where she is safe and not confused. How about music to try and calm her? Maybe a photo album of earlier years? I’d ask her Dr for another med to try to reduce this anxiety. I too like the distraction idea of folding laundry. I’ve been using that to keep my Mom busy and feeling useful. Good luck as this behavior must be exhausting for everyone.

Dementia is a progressive disease that erases your loved ones one to two inches at a time. I took care of my Grandmother and now my mom.The repetition is a tuff one. I finally would change the subject which worked for a while, then I made an albin with all her relatives and immediate family writing in birth dates and deaths, which worked until she could remember to pick up the picture albin. I learned patience and compassion for how much she struggled to hang on to her mind. I also learned to live in her world and not to correct or bring logic into any conversation. I just learned to truly love her, both of them. Mom is now bed ridden and can't speak, she does speak with her eyes and some times I see her smiling at me. She was a great Mom and deserves the best I can give. Not every situation is the same and putting a loved one in a home for someone else to care for could be the best thing for you. I got very sick and had to put mom somewhere and found a group home. She was not happy at first, but when it was time to bring her back she didn't wat to leave! The group home only had 7 residents and she made friends and the staff kept them busy. I couldn't afford to keep her there. It was so nice. I got to be her daughter again instead of her caregiver.
This disease will progress and it can effect how her body functions- to changing her personality, sundowing etc. Hang in there, your not alone.

T, hugs. That is definitely a brain numbing situation to go through daily.

As you said, She is having sundowning, it happens at the same time every day and the patient is agitated and can not be comforted, exhibiting fear, paranoia and other undesirable phenomena.

Have you talked to her doctor about prescribing something that could calm her down? I have read on this forum that people have had good luck with CBD or edible marijuana products.

I think that anything that will calm her fear is worth trying. Do some research on sundowning and effective treatments.

Is it possible to change the day so something different happens at this time? You have received some good ideas. Knowing what this is, is the 1st step to living through it. Maybe the edibles for you. My aunt said that they just chilled her out completely. She tried it because my cousin has behavioral issues and my aunt wanted to know how it felt because my cousin is soooo much easier to live with when she has enjoyed her edibles.

I hope you find something soon that calms her unrest.

Thanks for all your suggestion. I assure you I will try everything. Just nice to know that someone cares about how I feel these days. I take excellent care of my mother, but know one says anything to me or ask how I am doing. I guess it is just what people expects you to do since she is my mother.
Blessings to all
Thanks
t

She is not wanting to go to a physical home. When she says home she is using this as a word to mean "where I feel safe and not confused" because she cannot express those emotions. Sometimes medication is the only answer for this level of repetitive anxiety. Try redirecting by giving her a small repetitive job to do. For example, " Sure, we can go as soon as I finish folding these clothes, here please help me told them (and keep refilling laundry basket so it is never ending). Or after we rake the leaves, or sweep the floor, or wash these dishes.

Wail!

Repetitive questioning is the one single aspect of dementia care that I know I could not handle for more than an hour or two a day. You must want to burst into tears.

Teepa Snow is a good resource, you can find her seminars online.

I don't know if this will help, but do adjust your expectations. Your mother WILL ask these questions over and over and over. Your response can try to divert her or reassure her, but nothing will make a difference to her asking, only to how she feels in the present. You can only work on containing or appropriately releasing the unbelievable frustration it must cause to you.

A huge shoulder rub of sympathy to you.

She doesn't mean your home, in all probability she means the home where she grew up or spent her youth. There is no point is trying to explain this to her so the question is what answer will give her some peace. You could try telling her something along the lines of when the maintenance has been completed, but you may simply change the question. So possibly an I don't know we have to wait for X to let us know might be more effective. She will still ask the question every night - it is a stage of the disease which hopefully will pass.