Heart broken

I find it Interesting the People who did No caretaking Blame the primary caregiver who did all the work . I would ask Hospice for a social worker and a grief counselor so you can discuss your feelings . And when they say these Ignorant things to you say " Stop Blaming me and take a good look In the Mirror . "

Your siblings are having a hard time accepting her death. Your mom didn't die because of something you did or didn't do. She died because she had: Kidney failure, Addison's disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, a traumatic brain injury, and heart failure. In short, most of her organs were dying or non-functional. Her poor body just gave out on her. Explain that to your siblings. With all that was wrong with her, 8 days at home in the presence of a loving caretaker was a gift. She was spared months bedbound and all that comes with it, such as repeated UTIs, pressure sores, etc.

Your mother was a very ill woman.
You gave her care.
You saw to her medical needs.
You have given us a full statement of what happened to her.

To be honest THEY HAVE THEIR NERVE! How involved were they with her on a daily basis to see what was happening, to hear the diagnosis and the prognosis.
I think they are feeling guilty and perhaps even greedy if they think that there is something to be had.

This cannot possibly be the first time you had a clue that these people are reprehensible, I would think. I would block their calls and refuse to speak with them. I hope that you aren't having services they can attend. IF you are, and if you have any friend or family member to be there in your defense, please do so. If you have no one (caregivers often lose touch) then please speak to the facility where services are being held and provided whether that is funeral director or pastor, and have them at your side for your defense.

Heart failure means JUST THAT. It means her aging heart could no longer stand against the onslaught of disease (Addisons is very tough) and injury.

I am so sorry. I can only say that this so often happens to the loving and the good. If you are a person of faith from a faith community please see, speak to, lean on your pastor. I am not a believer. More and more I feel the loss of the community that believers have to help them stand against evil when they are weakened. It is a loss to my life, but something I cannot change.

My heart goes out to you. I wish I could stand with you and level them when they start. SHAME ON THEM. SHAME ON THEM. SHAME ON THEM.
Wish I could hug the Hades out of you! Tynagh may be right that they are reacting out of shock. But to me they simply are not very good people.

I'm so sorry about your mom. You took care of her in her time of need and have nothing to feel guilty about.

Any one of her health conditions could've taken her life much sooner. The fact that she lived 81 years is a testament to the love and care you've given her.

Your siblings blaming you is actually their own misplaced guilt for not doing more to help you or your mom. They feel the guilt, but they can't handle it, so they try to deflect it onto you. That shows a lack of character on their part.

The fact that you mom appointed you as POA speaks volumes for your character and the trust she put in you.

Your siblings are wondering why mom died so fast. Tell them it is not unusual. In my opinion, it is God's mercy, grace, and kindness, both for the person who is dying and the family.

Our car was packed and ready for us to go away a few days on Sept. 8 when my husband said he thought he might need to go to the ER. His kidneys failed while in the hospital and he came home on hospice. He was too difficult at home (dementia) and had to be moved to a hospice house. He died Sept. 19 after one week of hospice care. It was quicker than we expected but I am so glad he didn't linger.

Your siblings needs to come to peace with your mom's passing and not put a burden of guilt on you. As for you, treasure your mom's memory and move forward in life. You can't help your siblings, it is their journey, but you can take care of yourself.

Only God is responsible for when we die. And your siblings should be grateful to Him that their dear moms suffering was spared by such a hasty trip to heaven after a TBI. What a blessing! You were a loving and attentive daughter to your mom. Keep that thought uppermost in your mind. Your siblings are out of line.

My condolences on the loss of your dear mom.

I’m sorry for both the loss of your beloved mother and your pain in all that’s happening in the aftermath. Your mother passed exactly when she was meant to, and nothing you did or didn’t do had anything to do with it. Don’t listen to another word of criticism about it. Your mom had multiple health issues that added up to just be too much, no one’s fault. She was blessed to have you in her corner caring for her. Your siblings are likely hurting too, but that doesn’t excuse the lashing out. Take a break from them until they’re ready to be reasonable and heal. I wish you healing and peace

We should all be blessed enough to be able to die after 8 days, post-fall.

So many of our loved ones on this forum linger for years in dementias, painful suffering, or both.

In their grief, your siblings are thinking about only themselves, and not their mother who was given the gift of a speedy passing.

You did a great job getting her the care she needed in her last days.

You sacrificed to care for her and they are blaming you? I might tell them you would have very much welcomed them to help you care for her if they thought you were not doing a good job (not saying you were not doing a good job)

I know its easy to say, but its terrible that they are blaming you. But also, you have to learn to not be so upset by very selfish people.

It is so much easier to grieve if you can blame someone.
As a matter of fact it is one of the "Stages"
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Hospice should offer a Bereavement program or a person that you can talk to. This would be available to any family member.

Try not to let their anger upset you. And I know that is hard. You did the right thing. 8 days is not a lot of time to process what is happening so to have that happen is a short period of time makes it more difficult.