Very frail dementia dad is losing weight, isn't hungry, eats very little at meal time. Is this a sign he is giving up?

My husband is also in stage six of dementia and is behaving the same way. If left alone I don’t think he would eat at all. He eats about half as much as he used to and has gone down two pants sizes. He sleeps more than he is up. His walk is very slow, unsteady, and he seems very fragile. None of this is unexpected. It is the disease for sure. I belong to a dementia caregivers group and I’ve heard it over and over. We can continue to encourage but his brain is telling him something different.

I just went through aFib and CHF with my otherwise healthy 105-yr of Aunt. Last fall she started not eating as much, then she seemed more confused and fatigued, then her legs started holding fluid and weeping, and she was short of breath. The family caregiver took her to the ER rather than waiting to have her assessed for hospice. She was given a diuretic and 2 meds for her heart, and her symptoms improved, and then worsed. Less than a week later, she had a massive stroke where her right side was paralyzed, she could no longer talk or safely swollow. She was then put on hospice and in order to even move her around (which I know caused her great pain and distress) I approved Ativan to relax her and morphine for pain. She went into the morphine sleep, and passed after 2 days. She had all her mind, so this was the hard part for me. It sounds like your husband's body is winding down, too. The staff probably encourages him to eat, but they can't pressure or force him. If I were you I would forego the heart specialist and go straight to hospice because of his dementia. May you receive peace in your heart on this final journey with him.

Please get a Hospice evaluation.
It sounds like your dad is declining to the point he would qualify.
As his body shuts down he no longer can process food the way we do. He also does not need the nutrition like you and I do.
His body will stop processing food and fluid.
Food and fluid can be and should be offered but not forced.
Hospice will keep you informed, will provide an extra set of eyes for dad and as he gets into the "actively dying" phase Hospice can provide a volunteer that will sit with dad if you can't be there so that he will not be alone.

Yes I wish I had known all this six months ago. My husband quit eating most meals because he wasn't hungry and lost 75 lbs. in 6 months. He went from water in his lungs to hospice care in 3 days and passed away at 78 thinking he was being sent to Rehab of some kind. His circulatory system was perfect but his heart itself was shutting down and he had no time to fix his end of life preparations. For some reason, his doctors didn't tell him he was dying and I wasn't told either. I've spent the whole time from when he died to now a half a year later trying to fix all his unfinished legal issues. He wouldn't have done this to me if he had known the truth.

Assistance needed with FEEDING Means memory care. That is beyond ALF. That's for you to discuss with their admins.

You have a father with a failing heart and failing kidneys. These are basic to life. There is no way back from that but treating symptoms, and a failing heart is exhausting. That said, elders do lose appetite and sleep more WITHOUT diagnosed illnesses.

It may be time to discuss end of life wishes, palliative care, gerontologist, even Hospice wishes now with Dad's docs. And to find a path to acceptance that you father's trajectory is downward now, and he is quite honestly prey to a host of things. The elders do also lose will to live; you are correct. This is far from depression, often; often it is acceptance. My father longs in his 90s for what he called "the last long nap" and he was willing to discuss this; it is an honor to be chosen to listen.

I wish you the best. Discuss your case with the admins at your Dad's ALF. They may be very reassuring. Be open in discussions with your father as to his feelings, his wants, his needs now looking forward.