Does anyone have experience of dealing with an eldery parent who has become obsessed with the church?

You are in the position of having to look out for your mom while also having to realize that she has the right to manage HER assets as she pleases. You also are treading on ground that mom is not likely to thank you for interfering with.

I think I would visit a top certified elder attorney who is proficient with trusts to better understand what the reality is regarding the terms of the trust in question and what you can legally do to protect your mom.

Make yourself more a present in your mom’s life. The idea of security cameras might be floated for her protection.
Most parents don’t want their adult children telling them what to do and with whom. That’s not unusual. Your mom may be having the “time of her life”.

It is also common for widows to lose friends. My own SIL has done much the same as you describe in making the church her sole point of focus since becoming a widow. The couples friends seem to move on. Even the ones who attend her church. She now seems to always be with other single women from her church or with her preachers family. She seems happy with her life.

DH aunt also Catholic indicated she would leave her estate to her church. Her priest retired and returned to Europe. She was thrilled when he remembered her on her 90th. She has faithful friends who visit her in the Nh from her church, much more so than her family.

But fraud is everywhere. Many appear to be on the grift and it is evidently difficult for the innocent to recognize. It would be prudent to quietly investigate.

If it was known that there was a solid trust, the more aggressive might lose interest.

I wonder if she's paying the priests' vacation expenses?

My BIL was a golf buddy of a priest who actually did get in trouble for (I think) misleading or taking advantage of wealthy elderly women. This was a long time ago, and I wasn't close to the situation. But it was very shocking. It does happen!

If these priests are taking advantage of her loneliness in the name of being good Catholics I do have a problem with that. It iIt is predatory. I would lodge a complaint with the archdiocese about this. Threaten to go to the pres if these priests do not cease and desist. I believe me they would not want the publicity.

I feel bad for your mother but this smells to high heaven. Pun intended.

So many red flags here. You are right to be concerned. It seems mom has been groomed, not for sexual reasons (although I don't think you can rule that out) but for financial reasons. You didn't mention mom's age but I am assuming she is at least over 70. I definitely think this is elder abuse.

Not only report the Priests to the Diocese but I would report to APS the potential of financial elder abuse.
There is no way that a "priest" should be going on a "vacation" with a parishioner (excluding church sponsored trips where an entire group is going)
And for sure a "priest" should not be spending the night with a parishioner.
There is a good possibility that you might have to go to court and get Guardianship. People in cults are brainwashed and this is what might have happened here. The fact that she has reduced the circle of friends that she had previously is a good indication.
I would make an appointment with the attorney that had helped your mom and dad draw up the trust discuss this with him/her. And who is your mom's POA for health and finances?
Has your mom seen her doctor recently? If not it might be time to make an appointment. (use the open enrollment time and you need a check up excuse) Your mom may be showing some signs of dementia.

In what universe is it okay for a Catholic priest to spend the night at a female parishioners home, or go on vacations with her?????? How do you know for CERTAIN there is nothing "romantic" going on? My ex MIL was an old battle axe convinced her 30 year old broker was in love with her while he was stealing her blind! And, the Catholic priest in my diocese was having a "romantic" affair for a long time with a married parishioner and mother of my schoolmates!

There is Something Rotten in Denmark here.

Call the bishop or the archbishop and report these priests. They are not always the "holy men" they claim to be. The altar boy assaults ALONE that have been outed should be enough to convince you of that.

Also, have mother tested for cognitive issues, please.

Good luck.

I'd call the higher ups. I'd have names and dates, if possible.

Vacations? Sleep-overs? NOT appropriate.

I would think that the diocese would be quite open to listening to you, as they're in enough trouble with inappropriate actions by priests.

"consider if reporting the concerns to the diocese hierarchy is appropriate as priests supposedly take vows of poverty"

This was not so in NJ. Had trouble downloading the article.

"A 2014 file photo of Archbishop John J. Myers' retirement house as the Archdiocese of Newark spent more than a half million dollars for a 3,000-square-foot addition with an indoor pool, fireplaces and an elevator."

He was an Archbishop but the diocese saw it unappropriate and sold the house. So where did that Priest get his money? I would report this to the higher ups. If Mom offers gifts, they should be turned down. Staying the night is weird to me.

If your mother has been tested and is mentally competent there is nothing that you can do. She seems to prefer her church to her family. I cannot imagine how you would be able to change that. We, as individuals, decide where to leave our money. I say this as an atheist. It seems that the church and some few within it have become, to your mother, her family. If there is no incompetence involved here then that's her choice. Your choice is only how often and how much you choose to be in her sphere; but you have no choice about where she leaves her money. And Dad is gone now, so his wishes are irrelevant.

I guess it would be best at this time that the family know it cannot expect an inheritance off mom's money.

What you are talking about is "enmeshment" or "religious enmeshment" and as you state it's about abuse of power. If your mother is shutting down the conversation then you might want to have a blunt talk with the bishop about the behavior of the priests in question. Going on vacation with a priest is strange but having a priest stay the night at your mother's home overnight is a huge red flag. Talk to the Bishop and if that doesn't work go over their head.

Going on vacation with a priest? That's a new one.

Is her intention to leave the money to the priests or to the church? There is a big difference there.

If she sets up estate documents showing the money being left to individual priest(s), I would notify the archdiocese immediately. A priest takes a vow of poverty. They have no business being the heir to a congregant's estate.

Now, if mom decides to leave the money to the church, that's a different story, and a battle you won't win if she is still with it, cognitively speaking. When dad died, mom became the beneficiary of the estate and is now entitled to do with it as she wants, regardless of your dad's wishes. It's unfortunate, but true.

If mom is planning on giving this money away while she still lives, I would tell her that it might mean a penalty if she should need long term care under Medicaid, and that you and your sister aren't going to bail her out by bringing her into your home or taking care of her in hers. If she has the cognitive ability to change her estate planning, she should have the cognitive ability to understand there might be repercussions from her decisions as well.

Sometimes, unfortunately, churches will prey on elderly people, especially those who have some financial means, to "remember" the church in their estate planning. There are actually groups of "estate planners" that will come to a church and teach the church leadership, be they clergy or laypeople, how to "talk" to people in that demographic about "estate planning". In my opinion, it's immoral, but there isn't anything illegal about it.

You might want to try a different tactic with mom. ASK her where she got the idea of leaving money to the church/priests. Talk about it in a non-judgmental way. Often, they use a mixture of playing on a congregant's guilt and pity, talking how much the church needs the money, and what good it will do. Point out that her grandchildren also need the money, and what good THEY can do with it.

It could also be that your mom feels that the church has "been there" for her, where perhaps her grandchildren have not. It's a complaint you sometimes see from the elderly, where they feel that their family is just waiting for them to die so they can get their hands on their inheritance. It's not an uncommon feeling; maybe that's where mom is with this? If so, you need to be prepared to hear that as well.

Are you certain mom isn’t beginning some dementia behaviors? Lack of reasoning skills, loss of good judgment, and obsessions can all be part of it. Perhaps it’s time for a medical evaluation, with you informing the doctor ahead of it about your concerns, but without telling mom of it. Otherwise, consider if reporting the concerns to the diocese hierarchy is appropriate as priests supposedly take vows of poverty. At the least they aren’t to take advantage of their parishioners

At This Point In time if she is in charge of the trust and has her faculties there isn't Much you can do . Perhaps you should be Happy she Has a social life and not worry about her Money .