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deeplydepressed Asked October 23, 2024

I am unable to care for my mother.

I am unable to care for my mother due to being on disability. She has dementia and doesn’t qualify for Medicaid. How would I go about making her a ward of the state? My mom lives in New Jersey but I live in California but am homeless living out of my car. I have thought of killing myself since I dont know what to do. I came out to see how she was doing. My brother had to sell the house due to having to make payments for his cancer treatments and he still has to work. He can’t watch her and I can’t stay with them in his cramped apartment and handle things since I’m not all there mentally. It’s too much. I have no choice but to have my mom who I love become a ward of the state. How do I do this?

JoAnn29 Oct 24, 2024
I so hope the house your brother sold was not Moms but his. If it was Moms, those proceeds needed to go towards her care not for his Cancer treatments. Medicaid looks at that as "gifting" and would be a reason why Mom can't get Medicaid because she is being penalized. If brother holds POA and the house is Moms, his POA does not allow him to profit off her unless provisions were made in the POA.
AlvaDeer Oct 24, 2024
Yes, exactly. I decided not to even "get into that" as the question was somewhat confusing on how it was all put.
AlvaDeer Oct 23, 2024
Your brother lives where your mother does. He is the only one who has any chance of helping her. He is also the one who understands why she didn't qualify for Medicaid, and what to do about that. So the truth is that you allow your brother to manage this and you seek psychological counseling for yourself, and handle yourself. If you cannot be well in your own mind and body you do not have the reserves to act for anyone else.

Your brother will have access to APS in his own state. You can tell him that, at the point he can no longer handle things himself, to call APS and suggest they take guardianship by the state for your mother.

The suicide hotline nationally is 988. Please call that number any time night or day that you need to speak with someone. See your own doctor to discuss your suicidal ideation.

I wish you the very best and am so sorry that you are going through this.

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funkygrandma59 Oct 23, 2024
Please call the suicide hotline number at 988, and get the help you need. PLEASE!
And call Adult Protective Services in the city where your mother lives and report a vulnerable adult with dementia living by herself, and explain your situation and they will go and investigate and if need be they will take over her care and she will become a ward of the state. Let her state handle things and her, and you just worry about getting yourself back on the right track.

PeggySue2020 Oct 23, 2024
Call aps where she is and explain the circumstances. Follow that up with a letter saying you are across the country and disabled yourself.

Thats really all one can do here.

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