I am my wife's sole caregiver. I have to have surgery on my neck due to her situation. She's in the end of life. What now?

If you are in need of fusion surgery on your cervical spine, then your wife will need placement in a SNF now with hospice care. I had this surgery in 2008 and had to wear a very large, hard shell collar around my neck 24/7 for 6 weeks. Not all surgeons require the cervical collars, but they DO require no lifting or twisting of the neck or heavy duty chores for the duration of recovery. I needed help myself for a few weeks after the surgery!

Wishing you the best of luck with all of this.

I am so sorry. We see this so much more than we want to. I am hoping against hope that you have not put out your cervical spine, as it can have lifelong repercussions and limitations.

I am sorry also for your dear wife. Sadly, you tell us she now faces end of life. I am afraid she requires placement now and she will likely need Hospice care as well if this is what you and she have discussed over her lifetime dealing with MS. My daughter now 65 has already lost two dear friends to this monster of a disease. I am so very very sorry.

Please consider seeing an attorney about division of assets and a way to protect your own future. I wish you the very best. I hope you'll update on your choices and on how you do with your surgery.

Is she currently in hospice care? How long will your surgery and recovery take? If not in hospice, then consider starting that now. If she's not a hospice candidate then you will need to hire caregivers while you are out of commission... or transition her to LTC, which is covered by Medicaid plus her SS, if/when she qualifies. Care.com or browser search for local caregiving agencies. I wish you a successful set-up for your wife and a full and speedy recovery from your surgery!

Chris, I am so sorry. I don’t have concrete suggestions about how to go about getting the care you need for your surgery and for her continuing needs while you are recovering. But I would imagine that your wife would not want you to jeopardize your own health and future health for the rest of your life by delaying surgery and treatment, and that you would want the same if it were you at end of life and your wife was facing the need for very important surgery. But, what a terrible situation to be in. Thinking of both of you.

Hospice.
Hospice will place her in "Respite" while you have surgery and are limited.
If she needs to be placed in Skilled Nursing for a while they can help arrange that.

If she isn’t already receiving hospice care, arrange that, as they have wonderful resources for her as well as for you. If you have access to a residential hospice care facility, use that, as she will receive 24/7 care, paid by Medicare, which will allow you to get the medical care you need. It’s time for you to accept help for her care to shift your focus to your own needs. My mother was a resident in a hospice facility and she received excellent, compassionate care.

So sorry for your ordeal. Your wife should have a doctor recommend hospice care. Your wife would benefit the extra care.

Make sure her legal issues are taken care of before her life ends. Get her into hospice program or placed into a facility that provides hospice care. Then, get your surgery.
God bless.

I am sorry, but this is one example when we caregivers need to take care of ourselves first.
Perhaps SW or doctor will offer some solution?

Chris, I hope that you do not put off your surgery.
You can visit your wife in respite care and let her know how much you love her.
Do not feel guilty about looking after yourself. It is your duty to do so.

I wish you and your wife strength and peace while dealing with this difficult time.