I'm burnt out, no other options.

My grandma believes that everyone else in the family should get to live their lives and they have no obligation to her except me. ...and you have an obligation to her why exactly? Actually *no one* in her family has an obligation to provide her care. There are other solutions for your Grandma but she (and you) needs to accept them. You must stop being her solution so that other solutions can be put into place. Since you are already working with IHSS does this mean she has a caseworker? If so, start talking to this person to let them know that you will soon stop providing her care and to find out what other options there are for her. Have a deadline in mind. Be prepared that your Grandma and her daughters will not be happy about losing their "easy and reliable" solution -- but that shouldn't matter to you. They will get over it. Don't tell them you can't do it or they will negotiate with you. Tell them you do not want to do it. Don't give them any reason...just "no". You aren't being selfish. You should not feel guilty. The current solution is unsustainable for you and therefore needs to be ended. It doesn't mean you don't love your Grandma. It just means that you are not the appropriate solution. I wish you clarity, strength, courage, wisdom and peace in your heart as you move on with your life.

There is the option to claim your own life.
It is up to you to do it.
If you don't do it that is called "choice", and you will have to stand responsible to yourself for it.

Please give the children of your grandmother a note addressed to each that reads:
"I must now pursue my own life. I will give you _________days to get help to care for your mom, my grandmother. My limitations are such that I cannot continue, and I do not wish to discuss my reasons. I will be leaving home on _______(date). If at that time grandmother doesn't have adequate care I will be notifying you and making report to Adult Protective Services (APS) in our area so that they can help guide you to placement and other options."

As to being in the wrong? You didn't cause aging. You cannot prevent it. But you can ruin your life by throwing it onto the burning funeral pyre of someone who has already lived their own life according to their choices.

The choice whether to stay or go is now yours. No choice you make will be without tears, anger, questioning, judgement, recrimination. You are a grownup and that is part of being grown, accepting that not everything can be fixed perfectly.

I wish you the very best. We seem right now to have a spate of granddaughters in your predicament. I hope you will read further on the Forum. Take good care and know I wish you a good and happy life that STARTS NOW.

I’m sorry your family has so shamelessly taken advantage of your kindness. Give notice and move on. Time to care for yourself, it’s not selfish, it’s wise and planning for your future. If your family cannot see the wisdom of this, that’s on them

You are working on your future , at school etc . That is what you should be doing . You are not in the wrong , nor are you obligated to care for grandma .
Everyone who has left grandma to you is in the wrong , as well as grandma is wrong thinking you have to stay .

As far as caregiving for grandma ….Give notice , just like any other job . Because that is what this is , a job that you can not and don’t want to do any longer . You have already lost years. Do not lose anymore .

Find a place to live even if you need a roommate to make it possible to leave grandma’s . And give notice soon .
Good Luck .

Kindhearted, just so we have more of a sense of the lay of the land, what are your grandma’s illnesses and disabilities? How old is she? Do you live in her home and does she own her home (and thus theoretically could sell it to go into assisted living, a care home, etc.)?

As for other people’s perspectives and advice, I think you will find that the overwhelming majority of us on this forum will agree that you at age 29 should not effectively give up the rest of your life for your grandmother, and that this situation needs to drastically change— and soon!

It makes no sense that your "grandma believes that everyone else in the family should get to live their lives and they have no obligation to her except me". What did she think on the earlier occasion when they stopped caring and she "got very sick"? Did she not complain about them - and if not, why not?

I think you are blaming all of this on your other non-caring family members. You should be blaming it on your grandma, who has set all of this up at your expense. You are not being sensible in 'feeling like you have an obligation to my grandma'. What about your grandma's obligation to YOU?

Get out now! You have done your shift. If GM gets sick, she and the rest of them can work out what to do.

HI Kindhearted - you said you're working full time and going to school full time as well - that's like having two full schedules...and how is it that you're taking care of your grandmother and getting paid for it by IHSS too? Can you elaborate what care you're providing for your grandmother currently?

Instead of getting paid thru IHSS, couldn't you forgo this role and have a caregiver for her instead?

You're obviously the only person who has your back - the rest of your family (ie your grandmother's daughters) are using you because they think they can. It's their role and NOT yours. If you need to tell them that your mental and physical health can no longer take this and you need to adhere to your doctor's directive - which is to remove yourself from this. Tell them that your life is suffering and you're not doing well. It's up to them to make the appropriate plans - you shouldn't have been used to begin this.

Stand your ground - provide a date (2 weeks) for them to arrange caregiving plans. That's it - it's on them.

Welcome. One way to view your care is like a GIFT. You gave it, freely & generously. But your gift is not bottomless nor endless.

Reasonable limits are necessary for gifts so they don't bankrupt the giver.

Reasonable limits aka boundaries.