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aj6044 Asked July 2024

Is this the end?

My mom has been declining for a few months. She went into the hospital for UTI that turned sepsis. The confusion since antibiotics has worsened. She is refusing food now. Took 1 hour to coax 5 bites. Ability to follow direction is poor. Asking about her dead mother. All her tests are looking good despite being a long time alcoholic, except blood pressure is soft (85/50 I think last time I looked). BP is being maintained by IV fluids on and off.


 


Doctor said I could agree to a feeding tube but they'd have to restrain her if she tries to pull it out (she's been pulling on other tubes). He said it's not comfortable to have it. She seems to be in a general baseline of in pain. Moving her makes her cry out. Dr recommended hospice but gave me all my options.


 


I'm a huge advocate for hospice but I don't want to jump the gun. Even so, if she does magically improve, she hasn't walked in 5 years. She missed my wedding earlier this year because it was too hard to sit upright in her wheelchair.


 


With my dad it was no question. His liver was non functional. With my mom it seems like her body just wants to give up but am I giving up too??? There are absolutely worse things than death, and I only want comfort for her.

Grandma1954 Jul 2024
There is, in my opinion, no "jumping the gun" on calling Hospice.
I think doctors put if off as it may freak people out. They may also not suggest it because they are taught to CURE and Hospice is not curative. (there goes a billing resource) It is nice that you have a doctor that recommended Hospice.
You can contact Hospice and if you later change your mind you can revoke it.
But as long as mom is not getting better, she can remain stable, she can continue with Hospice.
And please no feeding tubes or IV's for hydration.
aj6044 Jul 2024
I agree
jkm999 Jul 2024
You're not jumping the gun on hospice, you're helping her manage her pain and discomfort. Hospice doesn't hurry death along, hospice will make the wait more pleasant for your mother. It may be days away or it may be months away but they will assure that she keeps her discomfort and pain to a minimum and won't force treatments that would be unpleasant and not likely to cure her.
aj6044 Jul 2024
Thank you

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waytomisery Jul 2024
If it was my Mom, I would let her body decide when it’s time to go peacefully without prolonging things with a feeding tube .
aj6044 Jul 2024
Thank you I agree just need some reassurance
JoAnn29 Jul 2024
Doctor's don't recommend Hospice unless they feel its time. If Moms age 67 is correct she is young. Its called early on-set Dementia and it usually runs its course faster. Me, I would opt for Hospice. I would not use a feeding tube. I would not force her to eat or drink. Not being able to swallow will be the first sign the body is shutting down. I am sorry you are going thru this. We should not have to make these decisions.
aj6044 Jul 2024
I agree. I've read about this. Just surreal seeing it in my mom
Isthisrealyreal Jul 2024
Oh aj, I am so sorry that you are facing the loss of your mom.

I rejoice for both of you that her journey is going to be over soon and she will no longer be suffering.

May The Lord give you wisdom, guidance, courage and peace right now. You are not giving up but accepting the reality of her condition.
aj6044 Jul 2024
Thank you
Fawnby Jul 2024
If it were my mom, I'd want her on hospice. You can remove her from hospice care at any time in the future if you think it's warranted.

I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Don't think of it as giving up on mom - her body's doing that. It will happen to all of us. Your responsibility is to let her know she is loved and to make sure she is comfortable. Hospice will help you do that.
aj6044 Jul 2024
I'm hoping she regains clarity for a little while on hospice
aj6044 Jul 2024
Update. Mom declined a lot today. She was placed on hospice today.
waytomisery Jul 2024
I’m so sorry.

Wishing Mom a comfortable passing .
olddude Jul 2024
For heavens sakes, stop shoving food down your mom's throat. She wants to rest and pass away without pain. Give her what she wants.
aj6044 Jul 2024
Why the attitude in your wording? Do you talk to other grieving people this way???????????
Geaton777 Jul 2024
Since you mentioned that she has been "a long time" alcoholic, has she been tested for Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome (“Wet Brain”)?

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcohol/risks-effects-dangers/wernicke-korsakoff-syndrome#
aj6044 Jul 2024
I've mentioned it but it would have been seen on scans
KNance72 Jul 2024
No to the feeding tube .

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