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Sidqure Asked February 2023

Did I get tricked by elderly parents?

I’m happily married with 3 kids. I bought 3 bedroom house from my parents in 2018 because they were planning to travel and also move to TX where all their relatives and family is.
Once I had the house, I started renovations since the house was ugly … they never left during the whole process. I thought maybe it’s because of covid and they will leave after. It’s 2023 now and they still didn’t leave. So it’s 7 of us living in 3 bedrooms now :(
How do I tell my parents to leave the house? As they planned and told us. Whenever I bring up the topic they say that they are my parents and I can’t talk like this or question them.
They seem not to care that we need space. I can’t afford a bigger house if they changed their mind.
My husband has suggested to sell the house then they will be forced out. But I spend so much money for renovations that I want to enjoy it. (We pay most of the bills including my parents cell phone…only thing they pay for is their auto and electric bill for house)
My parents are in their 70’s and I’m hitting 40.
I have 3 other siblings who I have discussed about this many times they all always say… I’m very luckily that parents don’t want to live away from me and if I question them I will suffer punishment from God after parents die (I feel like they want to stay out of it since they don’t want to deal with parents or invite them)

BarbBrooklyn Feb 2023
You paid your parents for the house, correct?

What would you do if you bought a house from a stranger and they didn't leave? You'd seek a legal remedy, right? You woukd evict them.

Read about Fear, Obligation and Guilt.--F.O.G. It's a tactic of manipulation that some folks use to get what they want.

It sounds like you've never been an adult in their eyes, or your own. You need a lawyer to stand up to them.

They have defrauded you. And stolen your money.

Find yourself a lawyer and start eviction proceedings.

You are being played.

AlvaDeer Feb 2023
Honesty. I just spent about 5 minutes writing a post in which I tried to cushion the deep pain of HONESTY, but in fact there is no WAY to cushion it. We never are honest, and when we are it hits like a bomb.
So time to be honest. I am with hubby. SELL THAT HOME. Or at least THREATEN to do so.
Sit your parents down now and tell them that when you bought the house from them it was with the agreement that they were moving to Texas. That didn't happen. And that you never wanted to own a house in which they stayed rent free with you, or even PAYING rental. That you do NOT want to live with your parents. That the house is not big enough and you wouldn't want to live with your parents if it WERE big enough.
I would tell them then the time limit they have to move. I would offer help in seeking a condo with the funds they have from selling this house to you. It may be nearby. If they don't want the help that's fine. But give a time. Three months seems practical. Tell them that if they have not moved at that point you will be forced FORCED to sell the home and they will be evicted by the new owners. And tell them if they force you to leave this home your relationship is OVER for good.
That's that.
Pure honesty. And then do it.
Step one. You and husband sit and get yourselves on the same page.
I sure wish you the best. I sure hope you will update us.

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JoAnn29 Feb 2023
How was the sale done? Do your parents hold the mortgage or is it a separate company? Did you use a realtor or a title company to help with the settlement. In hindsight, Mom and Dad should have been out the day of settlement.

I will assume that this is a cultural thing. The US has laws concerning siblings sharing a bedroom. You have 3 children, so two are of the same sex. Its been 5 yrs so lots older. There are laws that male and female children should not be in the same bedroom after a certain age. So if u have one daughter, she should have a room of her own. One boy, he should not be sleeping with his sisters. Five years ago your children were much smaller, they aren't anymore. They need space. Thats what you tell your parents. The house is no longer big enough for 7 people. You need their room for that one child. Tell them its a law that siblings of different sexes cannot sleep in the same room. So its time for them to find their own place to live.

Family meeting time with DH involved. I would assume in ur culture the husband is head of the household. You bring up to dear parents that when buying the house there was no discussion of them remaining there. They were suppose to move to Texas and travel. Then COVID came and moving out was not feasible. Well its 2023, COVID is here to stay. Your house is not big enough for 7 people. Your children are growing and need their own space. The boy/girl needs a room of their own. They need to find someplace else to live. You would not have bought the house if you had known they planned to stay. Both u and DH have to stand together on this. Yes, they will not be happy. Yes, siblings will say something. You tell them, try living in a house with 7 people and 3 bedrooms. And they can always take Mom and Dad in.
PeggySue2020 Feb 2023
Yes! She wouldn’t have bought the house if she knew they planned to stay. That’s what needs to be said.

Plus, there’s going on five years of free rent and board minus the power bill. Assuming you paid fmv for the house, they have plenty of money to pay to live in a rental.
MJ1929 Feb 2023
First -- punishment from God? For what -- trusting them to be honest and not conniving their child into providing them with a free house? Where are their "heavenly consequences" in all this?

Yes, it sounds like they've suckered you. However, you're not a child, so this "don't talk to us that way" stuff is ridiculous. It's time to grow a spine and tell them its time they take the proceeds from their home sale and buy themselves a home. Tell them you love them, want them to fly out of the nest like real adults do, then give them a firm date in, say, five months to get out of YOUR house or suffer the extreme embarrassment of being evicted by their own family.

Stop being the child in this situation. You have a family of your own that you're responsible for, and it's time you stopped being intimidated by your parents or what you think "God" might do to you when you're dead.

Take the bull by the horns and set some boundaries. What they choose to do with the rest of their lives is their business, but living in your home is not part of the deal.

Beatty Feb 2023
Selling this house seems an extreme measure to take..

But if you did need a different house, sure - do it. Start looking.

However, if you want to stay in the house, a big dose of reality needs to descend & be discussed.

Communication. What's holding that back?

Book a time for a honest chat, a time with no distractions - you, your husband & your parents (no kids present).

1. Tell your parents your expectations. Keep it simple: they sold you the house - they were to move out.

2. Ask their expectations.

Seems a very large discrepancy between 1 & 2.

Like an elephant size discrepancy in the room. Get it out in the open where you can SEE the issue & TALK about it.

CTTN55 Feb 2023
What did they do with the money you paid them for the house? What is their financial situation?

You are so young, and your future is bleak if you don't get your parents out of your house. I don't think you are obligated in any way to buy them another house, either.

Your siblings are really something. Why is it that they think YOU are the one who has to look out for your parents? And lest you start any "poor mama and daddy" thinking, remember that they raised your three siblings to have the attitudes that they have. How did this happen? Are you the only daughter? For all you know, your parents are saving up money to be eventually divided when they die equally amongst you and your siblings...or maybe unequally? Regardless, YOU will be the big loser there, if all the money you paid them is just added to the general pot of money while they get free room and board and your eventual caregiving.

Please keep us updated. This situation is absurd, and I, too, think you were tricked. Perhaps one of your siblings coached them on what to do?

sp19690 Feb 2023
I am going to say yes you got tricked by them. You bought the house in 2018 and its now 2023.

Time to tell the parents they need to get an apartment or start traveling otherwise they need to buy the house back from you plus cover the cost of all renovation in the purchase price.

What did they do with the money you paid them for the house?

Rremember this because once you move them out never let them move in again under any circumstances.

McAlvie Feb 2023
Start charging your parents rent. And for Pete’s sake stop paying their phone bill!
Beatty Feb 2023
Yes!

Rent: starting 1st March, in advance for the month.

Bills: stopping 1st March.

Don't take any 'but we are saving our money for your future inheritence'. The future is in the future.

You need to sort out the living & finances for the present.
Anabanana Feb 2023
If you bought the house with full legal process, your name on the deed, etc., may I suggest you tell them the simple truth that there is not enough room for all 7 of you. Give them a final date to move. Bring in an actor to discuss listing it. Or if you have a realtor friend they won’t recognize.

It galls me to no end the number of posts I read on this site where people engage in illegal and immoral acts and justify them with religion. YOU will be punished by your god? What about what THEY are doing? Worse!!!

You got got tricked by your parents (you were the solution to their problem) and your siblings are playing you to keep themselves from being the parents’ next solution.

This will require a difficult confrontation. Ask yourself if you’d rather suffer to keep the peace or risk full family wrath to fix your situation. Because selfish people will fight. If they’ve all been this bad this long...
Beatty Feb 2023
"Bring in an actor to discuss listing it. Or if you have a realtor friend they won’t recognize".

Love it.

Or just bring a real realtor in.

Are appraisals free where you live? If so, get an appraisal for 1. Selling & 2 Renting it out.

Maybe your hard work for the reno will mean selling actually does make sense?

The market value rent would for the whole house but an agent could probably make an educated guess for room & board rent. In my city it's about 150-200 just for the room, then utilities on top. Maybe 200-300 for a couple. A one bedroom apartment is 300 a week. So yeah, your freeloading folks are getting a pretty good deal!
Fawnby Feb 2023
Somehow these siblings have a direct line to God and know what God will do after your parents die? This is manipulative rubbish, and you've obviously been conned by all of them as well as your parents.

Now you know that you should have gotten all of this in writing - or did you? If you did, and it's legally enforceable, you might have a case for throwing them out. That will require a lawyer's opinion. You'd better ask also if under whatever circumstance you ask them to leave if you need to give them legal notice to get out, since there are tenant laws you may have to observe.

This is the United States of America. You don't have to live under their culture if you don't want to. Your parents could live 20 more years and become sick under your roof. Then you will not only be squeezed into an inadequate living condition, you'll also be emptying their bedpans and providing wound care for bedsores.

You really owe your kids a much better life than you all have now. Lots of luck in getting out of this situation.

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