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T
terporte Asked January 2023

Temper tantrum. Any advice?

Husband suffers hearing loss - becomes controlling and emotionally abusive even to strangers. Will never apologize, does not admit any fault. How can I ignore his behavior and save my dignity?

JoAnn29 Jan 2023
Hearing loss does not cause this type of problem. I would say its the Dementia and not hearing correctly adds to his frustration. My husband is very hard of hearing since 4. Deaf if he is not wearing his aide. He would never be abusive. I have a longtime friend has been deaf since birth, never has ever been mean. I think something else is going on with ur husband.

oldageisnotfun Jan 2023
If you ever read this:

Hello, sorry this is happening. I have heard scientific reports (who know how much they're worth these days) that hearing loss is connected to dementia, it speeds it up https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2023/new-study-links-hearing-loss-with-dementia-in-older-adults

If you husband has hearing aids get him to wear them all day. I know from my mom that hearing aids can be a nightmare too, different sounds come into the hearing aid, differently and it can be uncomfortable. It's such a nightmare all these old age problems, I wish we were made to not get old and I don't mean plastic surgery or other cosmetics.

I do feel what you are going through, it's embarrassing, and having to apologize every time can get tiresome. For the time being don't take your husband out in public with you. If relatives or friends are coming to your home, give them a head up of the issue beforehand.

I guess it's more about seeing if your husband can be helped, so it will not be a problem for you. Try the things I have mentioned alternative medicine.

Please report back here and let us know how it went.

Maybe some alternative medicines can help acupuncture, meditation, music.

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oldageisnotfun Jan 2023
If you ever read this:

Hello, sorry this is happening. I have heard scientific reports (who know how much they're worth these days) that hearing loss is connected to dementia, it speeds it up https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2023/new-study-links-hearing-loss-with-dementia-in-older-adults

If you husband has hearing aids get him to wear them all day. I know from my mom that hearing aids can be a nightmare too, different sounds come into the hearing aid, differently and it can be uncomfortable. It's such a nightmare all these old age problems, I wish we were made to not get old and I don't mean plastic surgery or other cosmetics.

I do feel what you are going through, it's embarrassing, and having to apologize every time can get tiresome.

I guess it's more about seeing if your husband can be helped, so it will not be a problem for you. Try the things I have mentioned alternative medicine.

Please report back here and let us know how it went.

Maybe some alternative medicines can help acupuncture, meditation, music.

NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2023
Your profile states that you have bipolar disorder and take medication to control your moods.

You realize the importance of medication. Good for you!

You mentioned in your profile that your husband has age related decline. Can you elaborate more on this? Does he have dementia? Perhaps he needs to be on
medication also.

Hearing loss is adding to his agitation. Has he seen an audiologist to see if he can be helped with hearing aids.

My mother had severe hearing loss. She was able to get one hearing aid. The other ear couldn’t be helped by a hearing aid. She was able to hear some with the one aid but not as well as she would have liked to. It’s frustrating for them and certainly frustrating for us to have to repeat over and over.

I’m sorry that your husband doesn’t apologize for his behavior. That makes it so much harder for you.

I hope that you are able to find a solution to this situation.

lealonnie1 Jan 2023
Quite often, cognitive impairment goes along with hearing loss. Get your husband in to see his doctor for a cognitive exam and a referral to an Audiologist to be fit with hearing aids. Being able to hear what's going on around him may calm down his temper tantrums a bit.

If not, or if he refuses help, you'll have to consider if this is how you want to spend your old age....with a rude man who has temper tantrums, refuses to apologize or admit to behavioral deficits. How do you ignore such a thing? You need a loving partner in your life, not a bully. He needs to seek help for his issues.

Best of luck to you.

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