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Newtothis22 Asked December 2022

Wandering spouse. Any advice?

My wife has no interests in anything at all. If I watch TV with her, she is ok. She is also fine if I take her for a car ride, or to a local restaurant. She cannot concentrate on her own, and if I am occupied, she will take a walk down our street and until recently, returned home within 20 minutes, only to go out again and again.
Twice within the last week, she ventured out so far that I could not locate her. I called the police each time and she was found and returned home safely.
I have ordered a GPS tracker but have not received it yet.
I hope this will work and give me a location on her. Also, I hope she actually will wear it.
Has anyone had experience like this?

stephm1 Dec 2022
We
- got a tracker for my father's shoe - he was obsessive about having shoes on, but would have chucked out or fiddled with other types of trackers.
- had door alarms.
- had an aide for a couple hours a few days a week for respite.
-locked the doors, but he did constantly yank on the knobs which was mightily annoying!
- put child safety knob covers on the doors. They worked for a while. Also installed child safety locks on the fridge and some cabinets.

He is now in a memory care facility where he has a host of caregivers, who get to go home and not be on 24/7 every day. He has many distracting activities. He still trys the doors, though. We know he is well cared for and safe and very, very, very unlikely to find a way out.

Fawnby Dec 2022
I'd opt for the memory care facility. When they start to wander, the caregiver becomes hyper alert. That's very stressful, and then even more stressful when they start doing other unsafe things, like going into the kitchen in the middle of the night and turning on the stove. Both of you need to be kept safe.

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againx100 Dec 2022
Your wife needs much more supervision, sorry to say. Your first job is to keep her safe and letting her wander out of the house when you are occupied if not safe. You need some serious help. Get some home aids ASAP so you can have some time to be occupied with things and not have to worry about her safety. If this is not possible, it will be time to look into memory care for her.

What is the GPS tracker like? A bracelet? Necklace? Whatever it is, it's a good idea but so is having a door alarm. Whatever form the tracker is in, make it a non-negotiable. You could say something like "The doctor says you have to wear this".

Before you become occupied with something, make sure the doors are locked so she can not get out. Or how about baby gates between where she usually is and the door she uses?

freqflyer Dec 2022
Newtothis22, I read your profile and it was so similar to what my boss was going through with his wife and Alzheimer's.

Boss' wife loved to listen to her favorite music [music from Scotland] and that is how she started out her day, she would even dance with her husband. The music had a calming effect.

After my boss's wife got lost, he brought in a day time caregiver to help him. It was such a relief for him as he could still come into the office and meet up with friends for lunch.

His wife also didn't like showers, the caregiver was able to bathe her. Note that those with Alzheimer's/Dementia start to panic when the water hits them, and they can become claustrophobic.

One thing I read, that sometimes a black throw rug in front of the exit doors will keep a person from opening the door. To them, the rug looks like a deep hole in the floor and they are afraid to step on it.

Just a couple of ideas to think about.

Grandma1954 Dec 2022
My Husband was an escape artist.
Put an alarm on the doors so if she opens the door you will know it.
(there are alarms that look like the old wedge type doorstops. When the door is opened the door going over the wedge will activate the alarm.)
You can no longer allow her to go out for a walk by herself. Even with the GPS.
It is possible that you may have to look into a Memory Care facility that will be locked for her own safety. This is not a failure on your part it is realizing that her care is more than what you as 1 person can do at home.

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