Palliative care discussion and behavior regression, any advice?

In general, unless there is a serious physical illness that, in the opinion of her doctors, will take your Mom within the next 6 months, MDs do not go to palliative care without discussion with the patient, whether they suffer from mental illness or not. I am so sorry about the affect on your Mom, but you know her better than we do and only you can guess if her dementia is severe enough that she will soon forget about "all this". More importantly is how she answered her doctors. If she doesn't wish to HAVE palliative care, then it is my opinion that her opinion is the only one that matters while she can still voice an opinion.
My best wishes out to you and I hope that this distress is over for her sooner rather than later. And I am so sorry for all you all are suffering.

My Mom had Dementia. She was maybe stage 5/6 when she entered an AL. She was mobile and talked. I never allowed her in any care meetings. Why? Because she could no longer process or comprehend what was being said to her. In one ear and out the other.

You have learned her truth- she “isn’t capable of participating …….and shouldn’t be present.

An LO of mine became seriously Ill at home and refused intervention until she could no longer be safely hospitalized. When finally admitted “for tests” she was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic and liver cancer.

A social worker (death counselor?) at the hospital INSISTED that her death be discussed with her and vigorously attempted, and ultimately succeeded, in getting to her to do it.

Previous to the social worker’s visit, LO had been avidly following her favorite baseball team to the World Series. Immediately following the SW’s pious intrusion she told us to take her radio home, and subsequently died without enjoying her team’s victory.

Your mother’s protection may be more important at this point than her “right to know”. However this plays out, know that you have been operating with her ultimate “best interests’ at heart.