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drbob80 Asked June 2022

Update: Should I give Dad back his gun?

This is a follow up to this question I asked on May 7th. I just want to say thank you for everyone's input and support. About a week after, during one of the confrontations where he was asking for his gun back, I asked him why he needed it. He said so I can protect myself if someone breaks through the front door. I said, you've lived here since 1967, and no one has ever broken in; what makes you think someone will now? He said, because everyone knows I live alone. I said, but you don't live alone anymore. We've spoken to all the neighbors and told them we bought the house, so everyone knows you're not alone. He hasn't asked for it since. On another note, his dementia is progressing, and I don't know how much longer we can care for him. Are there any resources to help defray the cost of in-home care for him so my wife and I can have some free time, or does he have to be on Medicaid for that?

AinSeattle Jun 2022
DrBob, to be clear and simplify answering your actual question, you are not required to obtain Medicaid to get outside help. But you are required to follow the rules if you apply for Medicaid.

While there are a very few exceptions, your dad has to have amounts and types of assets and income BELOW your state's Medicaid requirements. Period. It doesn't matter what you or your siblings want. So, if your father has income and assets available TO him, it has to be used FOR him before you get outside financial help. There are so many different ways that CAN happen. That's where the attorney guides you because that process is very, very long and complicated!

Isthisrealyreal Jun 2022
Where is the money you paid him to purchase his house?

That should be used for his care.
drbob80 Jun 2022
I thought my wife and I would be responsible to pay for it, since it would actually be for our benefit, giving us a break from his daily care. Not sure how my siblings would react to us using his funds to pay for it.

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Katefalc Jun 2022
Yes if he’s a veteran he’s entitled to VA benefits. My husband had a home health aid for 20 hours a week paid for by the VA. Contact your local veterans affairs office. The paper work takes a little time but worth it. 🇺🇸

GardenArtist Jun 2022
DrBob, this isn't responsive to your queries, but I do think that your father's concern about safety is legitimate, very much so. Given the disruptive and unsettling events throughout the nation, the assaults by someone with weapons, and related issues, I think it's legitimate to be concerned about one's safety.

I took a gun course when I was a teenager and plan to take another one, as well as become more proficient with a pistol. There's just too much violence, too many unstable people, too much friction, too much movement away from in person interaction and toward tech devices (which I think can contribute to less personal respect for others) not to take precautions, even if it's just carrying something to spray on an attacker.
TopsailJanet Jun 2022
A gun in the house is more likely to be used in suicide or domestic violence than for protection from intruders.
BurntCaregiver Jun 2022
Medicare will pay for some homecare if his doctor orders it. All of it won't be covered though. There is always a balance that has to be paid in cash. Homecare agencies are greedy.
Depending on your father's needs, maybe get him a hired companion. If you're not looking for bathing, toileting, dressing, feeding, etc... the cost won't be too high for a companion a few times a week.
Or adult day care a few days a week. He will also get socialization too.
If there is a senior center in your area, they always have something going on, and he might like that too.
Katefalc Jun 2022
Medicare does not pay for home care. I tried. If he’s admitted to the hospital they will send resources to the home after discharge such as OT, PT and a nurse to monitor vitals and blood sugars but not someone to help with bathing and dressing. That is out of your pocket unless you are a veteran and go thru the VA
Grandma1954 Jun 2022
Is your dad a Veteran?
If so contact the local Veteran's Assistance Commission with their help it can be determined what benefits the Veteran is entitled to. It might be a little help or it could be a LOT.
I think it is great that he was able to express a fear that he has had.
I think it is great that you were able to ask a "simple" question that enabled him to do so.
IF you think you are able to keep him home begin now to make changes that will make it easier for him in the near and not so distant future. Changes early on are easier for someone with dementia to handle than later on.
Things like removing carpeting putting down water resistant flooring will help. Enlarging a bathroom so that you can have a barrier free shower and enough room to get 2 or 3 people and maneuver equipment would be a great help later.

BlueEyedGirl94 Jun 2022
I would think that your being on Social Security disability and your father potentially gifting you within the Medicaid lookback period would be completely separate occurrences and could have repercussions regardless of your disability. (did you consult an attorney to verify that you are exempt from any gifting or are you assuming because you are on disability you are exempt?) You being on disability wouldn't prevent him from being impacted (or you) by the lookback period from what I understand - he would have still "gifted" you something that would impact his ability to pay for his care. And to that end, you still need to be very careful with the arrangement that you have with any intermingling that you might have or any potential gifting that he might do going forward. In other words - track anything that you do for your father very carefully and ensure that it is all documented so that if he does need to apply for Medicaid in the near future (which I would assume he may not since you recently purchased the home for market value and he has the funds from that purchase) that he doesn't gift you (or anyone for that matter) anything that would need to be paid back by that person to cover his care.

Gifting within the lookback period essentially means that the person receiving the gift is responsible for that amount to be paid for the care of the person that gifted it to them before Medicaid will pay for their care. It's a gap because the person gifted to received a benefit from the funds that should have gone to pay for the care of the person that gave them the money.
drbob80 Jun 2022
8 years ago, when my mother started having trouble with their finances, Dad asked me to take over balancing their check book every month. When I saw all the checks she was writing to about 20 different "charities", which Dad was unaware of, she was diagnosed with early stage dementia. I helped Dad contact an elder law attorney to draft their wills. It was at that time I learned from the attorney that parents could gift any amount to a disabled child without penalty during a look back period. Unfortunately, I have an oldest brother who is not disabled whom Dad has helped over the years with financial gifts ever since his wife died about 10 years ago. Based on Dad's current resources, I calculate he has enough for approximately 2 years worth of nursing home memory care based on rates in our area. That is before any VA benefits a WWII veteran would be eligible for.
BarbBrooklyn Jun 2022
"Since I have been on Social Security disability since 1998, Dad is able to gift to me without repercussions"

What repercussions are you speaking of?

Taxes? We are talking about Medicaid gifting regs.
drbob80 Jun 2022
The elder law attorney we employed to draft my parent's wills is who informed me that a parent could gift any amount to a disabled child without any repercussions or penalties in regards to Medicaid gifting regulations. He did state that the laws regarding this do change from time to time, but that was the law when the wills were drafted.
AlvaDeer Jun 2022
Medicaid doesn't often pay for inhome care either, so probably placement is the best option for you.
So glad about not asking for the gun anymore.
You say you bought the home so that he wouldn't be alone; I assume that means you are living in the home.
If you hope for Dad to go on Medicaid I hope that you paid fair market value on the home, or it will be considered gifting. I hope the money is in Dad's accounts for the sale of his home. If you are POA and sold home to yourself it can also be considered under the law enriching yourself. I am sure you got good advice and did it right, but those are just a few things to consider.
If the home was sold for good value and the money is in Dad's accounts, then it will likely be some few years before he needs medicaid.
Thank you for updating us. So few come back to tell us the results of any advice. This is a real relief for you I would imagine.
Wishing you the best going forward.
drbob80 Jun 2022
Since I have been on Social Security disability since 1998, Dad is able to gift to me without repercussions, but yes, I have POA, and yes, we paid fair market value, considering the repairs the house needed, and yes, my wife and I live in the home. Thank-you for your concern and good wishes.
Geaton777 Jun 2022
Thank you for the update, I think they are always helpful! (But I also agree that you should edit the title to this new post to include your new question).

Regarding resources, your Dad will have to qualify if you're looking for state or county assistance. In most states Medicaid only covers LTC and one must be assessed as needing this level of care PLUS meeting the financial need criteria in order to receive it. In home, if your Dad meets the financial aid criteria you can apply for an Elder Waiver which would provide some in-home help, but not much.

I strongly recommend you consult with both a certified elder law/estate planning attorney and a Medicaid Planner for your state so that you have a clearer path and timeline for your Dad to qualify, if at all. Other than that, he can pay for agency aids or ones privately hired, out of his own funds. This is what he saved his money for: his care in his declining years. My strong suggestion is to get him into a well-researched, very reputable local facility sooner rather than later. One that accepts Medicaid and has a spectrum of care levels on the same campus. Often seniors appreciate the more enriched social environment when they have activities, special visitors (like strolling musicians, pets, singers) and events. My MIL is on Medicaid in a great place. She's in a wheelchair and they take her to visit llama farms, out fishing on their pontoon, etc. These places do exist. Faith-based facilities are ones you should check into even if your dad isn't a faith-based person. They view their care as a mission so often provide better care at a better price. Wishing you all the best as you move through this journey!

cwillie Jun 2022
After all the acrimony on the other thread I have to ask why you are bringing this up again... IMO you are pot stirring.

As for your possibly legitimate second question - if you truly want answers perhaps you should rewrite your post and lead with that.
drbob80 Jun 2022
I have no idea regarding the acrimony you are referring to and had no intention of "stirring the pot", as I haven't had time to read all the replies. Sorry if you're offended, but I didn't know how else to "attach" this update to our situation to the first post.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
PeggySue2020 Jun 2022
Look into community adult day care. Where I live, it’s open to anyone not just those on Medicaid.
drbob80 Jun 2022
Thank-you.

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