What can I do for my 95-year-old mom who lives alone and is getting a little forgetful?

Attempt to persuade her gradually. This isn't going to happen overnight; it'll take time. If you're certain your mother is incapable of carrying out tasks on her own, use this strategy. Visit your mother as you are now, without attempting to persuade or push her. It should be a pleasant visit. Make a deep bond with her by chatting about many topics that she may enjoy, and constantly remember to avoid bringing up this topic in discussion. Bring your children as well. Allow her to form friendships with other elderly people who live with their children. I've read numerous blogs where children are caring for their elderly parents. I recently read Norma Walton's blog as well. My 96-year-old mother is living happily with us. I believe your mother, as well.

I like a direct approach too. Ask & listen about what is important to her.

If her main goal is 'staying home' or 'doing it all herself' try finding out the whys behind this.

Being with her things?
Not being bossed around by others, told what to eat & when to wash 'institution-style'?

Many older people picture 'Nursing Homes' as dark, dire old 'mad houses'.

But some assisted living are more like cruise ships or hotels.. although short staffing & Covid has taken a large toll on quality & care 😥.

Accepting home help services helps many to stay in their home longer. The person gets to stay amongst their things & continue their own routines. It is a trade off.. a little more help/safety for a little less privacy.

While you are visiting, it wouldn't hurt to keep your eyes open.

Any scam calls or mail getting through? Scorched pots in the kitchen? Food past use by dates? No evidence of proper meals, just tea & biscuits? Unsafe walking on stairs or holding furniture? Heating up sky high? Or not on when it should be? Wearing multiple layers of clothes instead of remembering how the heater works? No bathing taking place?

What services may be useful will depend on what she is starting to struggle with.

Meal delivery service is a good starter.

She will not allow me nor anyone else to be in her house for very long - Doing what? How long is very long? What happens when you've outstayed your welcome?

She refuses to move into assisted living - who asked, why, in what way, and to what facility?

I worry about her cooking for herself - why?

What sort of signs are showing you that she is becoming "a little forgetful"?

We have a lady of a similar age who has just ended service with us who is *fine.* She is amazing. She shares her food preparation areas with her cat, which makes my hair stand on end and turns my stomach, but she has been doing that for twenty years and it hasn't done her any harm yet.

We have a lady ten years younger who doesn't want us to end service, is perfectly capable of preparing her own meals, but feels she can't cope. She isn't fine. We're working on building her confidence; I privately suspect that she wants to move into a facility but doesn't want to admit it to her family.

The point is that at this stage the thing to do is explore your mother's wishes, worries and priorities, then promote her safety and wellbeing within those constraints. Don't tell her what to do. If she's finding any particular task or routine difficult, ask her what help she'd like with it.